Sometimes it would be nice...

Hot Mama,

There is no time like the holidays to make you realize that sometimes it would just be nice to have a man around. I feel like I am a very competent and new-age kind of woman, and that I can handle almost anything that life throws my way. I can take care of a clogged drain and can do my own taxes. I've said it before, and I will say it again, I am happy to be a single lady. It's just that there are some things that I would NOT like to HAVE to do. As I am in my apartment struggling to take down all of my Christmas decorations, I just wish that there was someone else here to help me with all the heavy lifting. My Best is a fantastic roommate and a great help, but we are both 5'7" and not exactly made of muscle.


I am now sitting, starring at my Christmas tree, wondering how in the hell I am going to get it out of my apartment. It is almost ten feet tall, and equally as big around. There is no way two twenty-somethings can carry it down two flights of stairs and out of our apartment. How am I going to lift it out of the stand? I just want a nice, strong, handsome man to come in and take care of it for me! I want him to lift up all of my heavy boxes of decorations and put them back into storage with me. I want to cook him a nice dinner and drink a glass of wine, and give him a kiss and a pat on the back as he does all of the manly-work! I am tired of being the woman AND the man of the house. Ugh, I feel so bad even saying this. But sometimes I just want to be June Cleaver. I want to be Lucille Ball. I want to do my womanly duties, and have a testosterone filled man to take care of the rest!
-Struggling and Frustrated Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

Oh dear. I totally understand. Over the holidays my son's bedroom door came unhinged, my refrigerator died, my Mom dropped her garage door on my car, my DVD player died, the caulking 'round my tub came undone, my car's brakes started making a funny noise and did I mention my Christmas decorations are still up as well? Can I solve all these problems myself? After some time and research and asking lots of questions, of course. Do I want to? No, I don't. End of story. I work full time, have two kids, pets and a house to maintain. I'm tired of being self-sufficient. If you find a nice, handy, handsome man for yourself will you please ask if he has a single Uncle for me?
-Hot Mama

Let's Give Them Something to Talk About...

Hot Mama,

Much to the delight of my Mom, I have been staying at my parents house over the holidays. It has been a blast to spend the time with my Mom and Dad and my two sisters. While at home we got really into watching one of our favorite shows together, "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." I know we have blogged about my love for the entire Kardashian family before, and my Mom and sisters feel exactly the same way. (Dad - Definitely not so much...) My Dad is more of a Bruce. He is definitely the most "conservative" of the group, and wants to keep his daughters from being so scandalous. I feel like with three twenty-something daughters, my Dad TOTALLY relates to Bruce on that one. Well, we were all watching the compilation, "Junk in the Trunk 2" episode. So as anyone who has seen the show knows, the sisters K are OBSESSED with sex. Like literally obsessed. And they talk about it ALL the time. I would consider myself extremely close with my sisters, and my mom is by far my Best Friend. But, we just never really talk about sex. Both of my sisters have serious boyfriends, and I date a lot of guys that my parents know about. It just seems to be one of those "off-limits" subjects. I know my Dad would definitely NOT want to know about it... but I wonder if my Mom wishes that we would share those kind of details with her. As your beautiful daughter is getting older and starting to date more and more, is this something you want to know or talk about with her? Do you talk about sex with your Mom? Was it always that way?? I am not looking to have these big-raunchy-Kardashian style sex talks with my Mom, but I am just curious.
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

I do talk about sex with my daughter, who's just 16 and still a V, because I want her to be WAY more informed than I was about sex which I didn't have until I was almost 22. So old! There's so much I want her to know about how her body works, how his body works, what it "should" feel like and what it "shouldn't" fell like - physically and emotionally. I'm still learning about sex myself and what I'm willing to put up with and what I'm not. I'm still working on getting up the courage to tell the man what works for me and what doesn't, which is so sad. We should be able to tell men how to give us real pleasure rather than faking it for their egos. I wouldn't even consider NOT talking with her about it because it's such a huge component of the human experience (and, of course, we hope he has a huge component! Ha, ha) and I want her to be as informed as possible. Right now she'll listen to stuff up to a point but she finds some things too gross to hear about to but I'm hoping I'm setting the stage for her to some day feel free to ask me anything she likes about it. And yes, I totally talk with my Mom now about sex. I didn't growing up but when my Dad died 13 years ago and she got a boyfriend three years later she had a lot of questions, mostly about oral, which I was happy to answer for her. To be honest, I feel a little sad that your Mom isn't comfortable enough to talk with her three beautiful daughters about this critical issue that can make or break relationships. I'm sure she's just a product of her upbringing and that if she knew that she could be even that much closer to you guys by including this topic in your mother/daughter time she'd open up like a firecracker on the Fourth of July!
=Hot Mama

Are You Serious Right Now??

Hot Mama,

My Best Friend is one of the sweetest and most amazing people that I have ever met. She has never had any trouble meeting guys... I think it helps that she is also drop dead gorgeous. However, since high school she has been off and on (again and again and again) with the same guy. This guy happens to be extremely moody and Bi-Polar. Basically, they have been in some stage of dating or breaking up or getting back together for the last SEVEN years. I know, how can someone my age have already been with someone for seven years? Seems impossible, but it's true. Anyways, we were recently out Christmas shopping for gifts for our family, and I asked her what she was going to get the Bi-Polar Boyfriend. And she tells me that she doesn't think she is going to get him anything. (Not that I think he really deserves anything) I was shocked! How can you date someone for seven years, and not get them a Christmas gift?? So I asked her why she didn't want to. And she replies, "Because I don't expect him to get me anything..." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! You don't think Bi-Polar Boyfriend should have to get you a present? After SEVEN freaking years of ups and downs, you think that he isn't going to even buy you a present? By seven years, I would be expecting diamonds or something. In my opinion it is safe to say that you can expect a present after so many years together. It really bothered me, but I didn't want to make Best too upset, so I didn't say much. But I can't help thinking about it. Why do we accept this kind of treatment from the people that we are with? I don't think that Christmas is just about getting gifts. I understand the meaning behind Christmas, and that it's the thought that counts. But seriously... shouldn't he be showing her that he loves her? Even just a little bit. It makes me sad for my Best... what if they get married? Then what. Then is she allowed to "expect" gifts on major holidays or her birthday?
MEN ARE SO DUMB.
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

I know that your Best's relationship is seriously messed up in so many other ways but when she says she doesn't expect anything I think it's just what he's "trained" her to say to herself to avoid disappointment. Unfortunately many, if not most, men aren't as thoughtful about gift giving and little shows of affection and attention as women are so we're constantly disappointed. My ex-husband, who's not a bad guy, was a terrible gift giver. In fact, after our marriage, when he had his first girlfriend and I asked him what he was getting her for Christmas he said "a shoe shine kit". YES! I am not even kidding, ask my children, a shoe shine kit! I was appalled! I immediately said "No, you cannot give Francine a shoe shine kit! Come over to my house and pick out something from my present closet to give her, please!" So, he came over and I laid out some jewelry and he picked a turquoise and silver bracelet for her. After Christmas I asked him how it had gone and he said great except for the fact that he felt "weird" when she went on and on about the beautiful bracelet and not the shoe shine kit. Some women may be wondering why I would do this. Well, she was a super nice lady, great with my kids, and I didn't want her to be hurt by him like I had over the years by his totally clueless gifts. Anyway, Valentine's Day rolls around and unfortunately for her I didn't think to ask him beforehand what he was getting her (cuz, dang Valentine's Day should be pretty easy). I remembered afterwards and asked him what he'd gotten for Francine and he said, swear to God this is true, a Dove's chocolate rose and an oven mitt. Yes, an oven mitt. So, my dearest Eager Beaver, it may be for the best that your Best shore herself up against disappointment now before they're married so she doesn't spend the rest of her life "hoping" he'll actually turn into a kind, thoughtful man because a dog rarely changes its spots.
-Hot Mama

The New "IT" Couple...

Hot Mama,

So I don't know if this has hit your radar at all, but I am guessing that with a teenage daughter, it has. There is a new hot couple in Hollywood, and it has caused some controversial G-Chat debates amongst me and some of my friends... Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhal! Personally, I have never been a big fan of Taylor's. I always thought that she was kind of overrated. However, recently I watched her E! True Hollywood story, and I think I might have a little bit of a girl-crush on her. OMG, she is so freaking talented. And I'd like to think that if she knew me, we would be the very best of friends. So, I have a bunch of friends who are totally anti Jake and Taylor, and think that they are a weird couple, because of the age difference. My parents have a pretty significant age gap (almost 12 years), and they have been married for almost 30 years! Maybe that is why the almost 10 year difference in age doesn't bother me a bit. In fact, I think that someone like Taylor needs an older man. She is so mature and has accomplished so much, how is she supposed to date some Taylor Lautner, 20 year old guy... what would they even talk about?? An older man like Jake, won't be intimidated by all of her success, and will treat her right. Not to mention, I think that they are pretty adorable together. What do you think? Have you ever dated a significantly older (or younger) man? How would you feel if I started dating an older guy? I can't get much younger without it being illegal... Taylor might be on to something... maybe we could learn something from her!
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

At first I thought the Taylor/Jake hook-up was strange but then I remembered that my first sexual experience was with a man (a rocker!) who was 29 and I was 21. And there was a 10 year age gap between my parents and they were married 35 years until my Dad passed away. Now Mom’s dating a man who’s 9 years older. So, I think my initial reaction had more to do with them as people just because Taylor is a little goofy but I think Jake is too. And they both seem like sweet people ( I KNOW she is!) who want to be in long-term relationships. Thank God Tay swiftly got over that stupid John Mayer crush! Yuck! What a man-ho!!! Jake has shown himself to be a serial monogamist which I like. Not to mention he’s hot, talented, funny, smart and family-oriented (he took on Reese Witherspoon and her kids and just look at him with his sister Maggie’s child!) Their age gap does seem perfect because, I agree, what 20 yr old guy can match her in brains and talent and not be threatened? BTW, I’m a HUGE Taylor Swift fan! I have all of her CDs and took my daughter to her concert for MY birthday, Taylor rocked it! Love, love, love her! It’s a little sick I think (no, I don’t have posters or t-shirts or anything) but there’s something about her and her music that brings out my inner teen and my mama bear at the same time! To me she is a total phee-nom, not just a trend like Demi Lovato! Course, I hope Demi gets the help she needs! Anyway, back to topic at hand, a 10 year age gap is not as big a deal as it once was and that goes both ways!
-Hot Mama

Why Are So Many Men on Dating Sites Cheaters?

Eager Beaver,

I don't know what's up with the universe and lying, cheating men. I have two good friends who are both on match.com who have had hideous experiences with men recently. One friend, D, has been seeing a man in Seattle for about three months and another friend, A, has been seeing one for six weeks. Both of them weren't exactly head over heels for the guys but thought that they were nice enough to try to get to know better and give a chance to. Both of my friends are extremely attractive and fit, D is a dishy little blonde in her 50's and A is a hot brunette in her 40's. They're hard-working moms hoping to meet nice, hard-working men. D had a first date with R that went well but on the second date he made some inappropriate comments about women who walked by their table and some references to porn. D addressed these comments immediately and R confessed he was just feeling insecure because D is so beautiful and he didn't feel worthy. She gave him a pass and he never made a stupid comment again and was a gentleman during the time they dated. A, who is a personal trainer, had a very good first date lunch with B, a successful businessman, and he followed up by asking her for a training session, which she agreed to. The training session went well until he "jokingly" asked to see her breasts. A was insulted, let B know it and B apologized profusely and explained that he hadn't meant to disrespect her and that it wouldn't happen again. And it didn't. They continued to see each other and talked on the phone for hours.

D got a phone call today from a very distraught woman who rambled on about the fact that D was seeing a man the woman had been dating for 4 1/2 years. D was confused at first because she thought the woman must have the wrong person, but she finally pieced it together and realized that the entire time R had been lying to her. And in fact this poor woman had actually cleaned his condo for a date he had with D that day! A received a phone call from B who explained that before they went any further (and they'd gone plenty far) that he was still seeing the woman he had left behind in South Carolina but that they had an "understanding." WTF?!!! Why do men do this? Seriously?! All this work for sex? Can't they just hire it? Who raised these men? How can they be so very, very disrespectful of another human being's feelings? Four women were hurt by two men! I want to speak to their mothers and find out how their sons ended up feeling that it was okay to victimize women. Would they be proud to share their stories 'round the family Christmas table? I'm so disgusted. Truly, I am in shock, I feel like men my age should behave much, much better towards women. I mean we were raised in the generation where moms stayed home and everyone held up "Leave it to Beaver" as the example of a happy home. They seem to be no better at all than men 20-30 years younger. What the hell is going on? Is the universe collapsing?
-Hot Mama :(

Oh Hot Mama,

This gives me VERY little hope for my future. I have been trying the whole "online" thing for a couple of months now, and let me tell you, I haven't been that impressed. I feel like you are right and that the guys on these sites are just looking for some action, just like the guys I meet at the bars. I am starting to wonder if maybe all men are just cheaters, and we are all destined to be hurt by them... This isn't a positive way for me to go into the holidays and the New Year, but I just can't help it. Stories like these are all around me! I feel so bad for A and for D. As we always wonder... who is raising these men?!?
-EB

Mom Cave... Is this for real?

Eager Beaver,

OMG. Today on the TV show I work on we discussed the trend towards women, specifically mothers, having their own special "space" in the home. The "space" it was suggested could be a converted closet or the corner of a room or attic. What? WHAT? Men get entire dens, offices, basements, garages, whatever. They get a whole room to do in what they like. Apparently, the thinking is that a "corner" is all we need because the rest of the house is "ours."
Really? Ours to do what in? Cook, clean, dishes, laundry,sweep, dust, vacuum, windows, toilets, change sheets? Really? Where is Mama's sanctuary exactly? The bathtub? No, because the second you settle into your soothing bubbles someone is at the door shouting that they need something, like a run to Michael's for poster board for a science project that's due the next day! Moms not only deserve, but need, a room of their own with a door that shuts and when that door is shut it means NO interruptions unless someone's hurt or the house is on fire and it better be a big fire. Women need a place to decompress and disconnect from all the needs of their loved ones just as much as men do but women rarely take the time to just space out and watch a game. No, when we sit down to watch our favorite show, like Snapped, it's with a pile of laundry or thank you cards or bills or sewing repairs, etc. It's rarely to just kick back, drink a beer and gorge on Cool Ranch Doritos. Ladies we are our own worst enemy. Your family can be trained to leave you alone for 30 - 60 minutes...really, they can! You just have to refuse to give into the need (guilt) to answer everyone's questions or solve their problems. They'll find their gym bag, the homework will still be there, they can clean up the cat vomit, honestly, while you recharge in your sanctuary! Now take that unused guest room, guests can sleep on the sofa like they did back in the day, and transform it into a place that will fulfill YOU! To your cave!
-Hot Mama

Hot Mama,

You know the first thing I thought when I read this... TYPICAL! Isn't it just so typical that they are telling a woman that she needs to take an unused closet or a CORNER OF A ROOM and make a special space for herself. I will have to say that it is one thing about where I am in my life that is so wonderful. Granted, there are not a TON of great things about being single... BUT, having no man and no children means that there is a lot of space to myself. I don't have to take just a corner of a room, I can have an ENTIRE room. I can decorate it the way that I want, and keep it clean like I want, and do whatever I want, because it is all mine. It's sad that as women get into serious relationships and get married and have babies, they slowly start to lose themselves. Shouldn't we all be focusing on taking care of ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally? If we have time (and space) for ourselves, then we are able to take better care of the rest of the people in our lives. We can be more relaxed and focused, and can put our energy into the things and people that really matter. Why don't we start giving men an attic or a small unused corner and see how they like it!
-Eager Beaver

PS: Just for fun I thought I would attach a couple of pictures for what I found for a "Mom Cave" versus a "Man Cave." You decide which looks more appealing...

MAN CAVE:


MOM CAVE:

Why Don't Men Know Where our Button Is?

Eager Beaver,

Why don't men seem to know where our "button" is let alone what to do with it? They put their hand down your pants and rub like they're a boy scout trying to start a freakin' fire. Half the time their hand isn't even on your button, it's off center and rubbing your thigh bone. Like, really, right now? At our age have you NOT figured out where a woman's clitoris is? And, God help us when they go down for some oral because in some outdated guy's manual to woman parts they were told that Speed Racer fast with their tongue is the thing to make us writhe with pleasure. Actually guys, we're just writhing around to get out from under your completely ineffectual and annoying as hell foreplay. Seriously, with the internet and all the free information available could you not have looked it up by now? Besides which, you guys had Playboy and Penthouse back in the day. I don't know, it just really seems to me like men don't care. Or, it's our fault, as in, it's women's fault. Maybe we need to speak up and show them. We're so worried about their fragile egos that we keep our mouths shut instead of trying to get what we need too. Or we're worried that they'll get bored or, worse, annoyed, and not want to have sex with us again. But honestly, I believe that it's just laziness and self-centeredness on their end. If we moan a little they think they're on the right track and all is well and then they just go about getting themselves off and assume our noises meant it was good for us too.


I saw the funniest thing on Extra, the beautiful and hilarious Jenny McCarthy was standing with Mario Lopez in a front of a group of men and she asked "How many of you think a girl you've been with has faked an orgasm?" One lone guy raises his hand, Jenny surveys the rest of the crowd and says "Oh boy, the rest of you are just idiots!" So, it can' just be the men I run into, it's got to be most of them. If they ever actually asked us how it was, or what they could do to help us get-off, we might tell them what really makes us squirm like a worm on a hook for all the right reasons. I know I won't say anything, especially if it's been awhile since we had sex, because my strategy is that I just want him to get-off and then I'm hoping we can go again and when he's not so frenetic I can show him what to do. I really think I need to start setting a better example for you and tell the yahoos what they need to do in order to bring me and my button to a screaming orgasm. So, at least if I'm having the chutzpah to speak up maybe you will too. I don't know if men your age are better at this than men my age but it sure is frustrating that they still don't seem to know what the hell to do with our buttons. They've only had a few million years to get on that, literally.
-Hot Mama

Hot Mama,

I have been hoping and praying that men would eventually get better as they grow and mature, but I guess now I know that is not the case. Kind of depressing if you ask me! I totally agree though, that although it isn't our fault, we completely enable them to continue to be ineffectual. As women we want to please our man, and we try to get into sex, but it can be distracting when we are trying not to wince in pain from them stabbing us with their fingers. I also find it SO annoying, that men spend about two minutes going down on a woman, and then expect you to hang out down there until you have lock-jaw and feel like you are going to pass out from exhaustion. I've only been with one guy who was ever curious to know how he was doing in that department, and ALWAYS asked me what I liked and didn't like, and how it felt. Suffice it to say, that is the exception not the rule. Half of the time, I wonder if they even care... As long as they get off, I don't think it matters too much to them if we do. Why don't men try harder to please their women?? We should publish a manual that ALL men should read.

It cracks me up that Jenny McCarthy (WHO I LOVE, by the way), said that. It is so true. Men always think that it couldn't ever be them because they are always with women who, "seem to be enjoying it." Well let me just tell you, sometimes it's just easier to fake it, while the whole time you are making a list in your head of things you have to do the next day and what you have to pick up at the store...
-Eager Beaver

OMG I am OBSESSED...

Hot Mama,

I have to admit it, I'm obsessed. It has been going on for some time... My obsession is with Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom. It's Sunday, so I am going through my typical routine, doing laundry and cleaning and watching a marathon of, Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Yes, I know, I have seen every episode at least twice, but they are so freaking funny. I laugh out loud every single time, because they seem like such a "real" family.


I've loved the Kardashians, especially Khloe, long before Lamar came into the picture. She is hilarious and always tells it how it is. And I loved when she and Kourtney had their own tv show. But now that she is with Lamar, I love her even more. I can't believe that we have a blog about relationships, and I have yet to write about one of my favorite celebrity couples! Recently, at the end of September they celebrated their one year anniversary. I read that Lamar surprised Khloe and had a vow renewal ceremony. COULD HE BE ANY SWEETER? And what's not to love about Khloe, right?! It's so apparent how into each other they are, and they seem to be so happy together. On top of that, they have even let a bunch of their family members move in with them, even Rob. I loved when Khloe made the video for Lamar to take with him while he was on the road, and how she goes to all of his games. But, my all-time favorite is when Khloe teaches Lamar how to swim. I practically died. Not only was it so funny because Lamar is so big and couldn't keep his legs afloat, but Rob was just making fun of him the whole time. What's better is that Khloe bought a bunch of swim toys so they could practice in the pool together when Rob wasn't around. She wouldn't give up on him, and wanted him to get better. It's so sweet when she tells Lamar that she wants him to be able to swim with his kids, and make memories together.

I can't wait for Khloe and Lamar to have cute little babies to play with adorable Mason. Even though Khloe is only a couple years older than me, maybe they can adopt me instead! They seem like so much fun. I just wanted to share with you my love for the Odom's and say that I sincerely hope that this down-to-earth couple makes it in Hollywood, because they are certainly an inspiration in terms of celeb relationships.
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

I agree that Khloe and Lamar's relationship is the most fun to watch and Khloe seems to have the most practical head on her shoulders. I also sincerely hope that their's is a forever fairytale because it's been so depressing lately with all the recent Hollywood breakups! I mean, who do we have to look to for romantic inspiration? We all know, of course, that marriages are not fairytales. Yet, in spite of the sometimes harsh realities of day-to-day marriage, we all still want to be able to believe in finding that special someone we can enjoy life's ups and downs with for the rest of our lives. Someone who "gets" us and not just on our "on" days but on our "off" days too! So here's a toast to Khloe and Lamar, may you always keep the laughter and the love light "on" in your marriage! Happy Anniversary!
-Hopeful Hot Mama

Divorce Is Not A Car...

Eager Beaver,

The recent spate of announcements about couples with children breaking up, David Arquette and Courtney Cox, Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman, has resurfaced a piece of wisdom that I would so like to be on Oprah on for in order to share with divorcing couples (normal divorcing couples not one's in which addictions or abuse are involved). People tout divorce as being this "thing" that it is horrible for children, that it will leave scars for life, they'll never have a good relationship of their own, etc. I'm here to tell you: DIVORCE IS NOT A THING. It cannot run over your children like a car. You, meaning you and your spouse, are the ARCHITECTS of your divorce just as you were of your marriage.

Divorce is certainly not a wished for or hoped for or ideal outcome but you do have all the power and control over how it will affect your children. What damages children is not "divorce" but how the parents behave during the divorce. Demeaning or belittling the parent in front of the child, standing far apart at games, only being able to drop off and pick up from the "safety" of your car, bad mouthing the new boyfriend or girlfriend, fighting about money, rigidly holding to parenting time instead of doing what works best for the child. I know some people are saying "but it's his fault, he started it, he won't blah blah, he always blah blah" all I'm asking for is one person in the relationship to rise above the fray and stop worrying about their own hurt feelings and start thinking about their children's feelings. It is hard for them. They are no longer living with both their parents, they may have new adults in their life, they may have to move, so YOU need to do whatever you can to alleviate the hurt and confusion for them and that starts with having a good relationship with your ex in which you BOTH agree to put their needs before yours. My ex and I spent every holiday (including Mother's and Father's Day) and birthdays (including his and mine) together in order to give the kid's a continued sense of family.

Last Christmas was the first one we hadn't spent together in seven years and that's because my ex got remarried, to a lovely woman, who is good to my children, who is actually an advocate for them at their father's house. I have spoken of her highly to the kids, my friends, my mother, etc. This is a woman who, should I die, will become the major female influence in their lives. I want them to love her and I want her to love them, and she does and they do. As a mother, it is all and more than I could ever ask for. Please, please don't just "say" (like David Arquette has) that you're putting your child's needs first REALLY do it. You REALLY are the architects of your divorce and hold your children's experience of divorce in your hands. Handle with care.
-Hot Mama

Hot Mama,
You are so right! Divorce is NOT a car. You already know from my last post exactly how I feel about David Arquette, especially now that he has come out and apologized for the comments that he has already made in the media. Really, is he trying to advance his career by saying all of these things, and then taking it back? Exploiting his relationship with Courtney and hurting their poor daughter in the process. I don't understand why people are so quick to bash their ex's and disregard their children. The kids should always come first, and that seems to rarely be the case. I am not a child of divorced parents, but I do have friends with divorced parents. And just because their parents are divorced, doesn't mean that they haven't been able to be in successful relationships. I think it's better to show your children that it's important to find happiness in your life, than to stay in an unhappy marriage for their sake. I have so many friends whose parents have gotten divorced as soon as all their kid's have graduated high school or gone off to college. Is this really their answer? To wait until their children are out of the house and then suddenly get a divorce? We aren't stupid, we understand that you stayed together just for us, and then got divorced as soon as we were all gone.

More people should listen to your advice Hot Mama, and get out of their unhappy marriages, while still protecting the most important thing, their children.
-Eager Beaver

Why Women (Courtney) Get Tired of Mothering Men (David)!

Hot Mama,

In the wake of all of the celebrity break-ups, I am not surprised that another one bites the dust... First, we had Tiger Woods and Elin (which frankly, Elin is WAY better off without him). Then we had Jesse James and Sandra Bullock... Really Sandra, did you actually think that Jesse James was going to stay faithful. Thank goodness they were both strong enough women to divorce Jesse and Tiger's loser asses and move on. They both seem to be in a much better place, now that they have moved on from their lying and cheating men. But now we have another high profile couple headed for divorce. I'm not gonna lie, I never really understood the whole David Arquette and Courtney Cox thing. She's absolutely gorgeous and he's only slightly attractive at best. I always figured that they must have bonded over their common sense of humor and that they must have been best friends.

Well, now after 11 years they are breaking up. Fine, get a divorce, people do it all the time. But in this whole situation David Arquette has made me absolutely sick, and I feel like he may be worse than Tiger and Jesse. Is it really necessary to go around and do interviews and tell people that it had been over four months since the two of you have had sex? Is it also necessary to do interviews and say that you were sleeping with other people?? Maybe one or two or more times! Seriously David, are you for real right now?! You have a child with this woman who was your wife for 11 years, and you think it's appropriate to discuss your sex-life in national interviews. Is your career really that shitty? Do people think nothing of their children?? Their daughter is in elementary school, and will have to live with the fact that this is all over the news and her friends and schoolmates will hear about it. I just don't even understand people anymore. Men are so self involved, it makes me sick. What is this world coming to?!
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

I love Courtney, but knew from the beginning this marriage wouldn't work because Courtney is a co-dependent who loves projects. One of her passions is buying homes and renovating them and she's no different when it comes to men. Her first serious celebrity boyfriend was Michael Keaton, an alcoholic, and she tried to keep that relationship together for five years. So, it really was no surprise to me that she ended up with another man with addiction problems except for the fact that it was David Arquette, at least Michael Keaton has some class. David Arquette still acts like he's in high school auditioning for the role of class clown; Stop, you got it already!


David said that Courtney said, "She was tired of being my mother." Amen. Wow. So many women are married to men that they have to mother. It is unbelievable! She still needs to mother him and tell him what's appropriate to talk about in public and what's not! F' me, how old is he? How do you NOT know you shouldn't talk about your private sex life in public? ESPECIALLY when you have a child in school! WTF? Shut up already! And he said that Courtney and he are still best friends and put their daughter's interests first. Really, this is how you treat your best friend? It's embarrassing enough for Courtney but poor Coco. What did she do to deserve having her parents dirty laundry aired in public? And how is Courtney supposed to answer her six year olds questions about it? OMG. This is exactly what I rant about when it comes to people getting divorced. Do NOTHING to, in any way shape or form, put your children in the middle of your crap. It is your and your spouse's crap. People are stupefying petty, childlike and self-centered when it comes to their hurt. They lash out, because it's all about them, without stepping back and thinking to themselves how will this affect my children? If I call their mother a bitch, how will that hurt them? If I call their father a lazy-assed loser, how will that affect them? If I reveal that their mother and I haven't had sex in four months and I've begged her to stay, how will that affect them? Grow up people! PLEASE for the sake of your children grow up and shut up!
-Infuriated Hot Mama

Really Hot Boss...REALLY?

Oh Hot Mama,

Where do I even begin? The saga of my hot boss and our interactions continue. So, as you know from my other posts, we've developed a fun and joking relationship. For the past few days we have been together on a business trip working in another office. Just like when I am in my home office, I find that I am spending most of my days with the men of the office. Although there are 10 or so women that work in this office, I somehow find myself at lunches and dinners with three or four middle-aged men. We crack jokes and have a great time together, and I know that they love my quick wit and oh so charming company. (It may help that I am in my 20's and they are all single men in their 30s and 40s...) Well today I was getting ready to head to the airport, without my boss. Rather than wear the pencil skirt, tights, button down, and heels that I wore to the office, I decided to change into something more comfortable and easier for travel. I put on a pair of nice jeans and an oversized boyfriend sweater, super casual but still cute Then I went to say goodbye to all of my coworkers, and I couldn't find my boss. I knew better than to leave without saying goodbye, so I kept walking around looking for him. Eventually, I found him meeting with one of my co-workers in an office downstairs, and this is what Hot Boss says...

"So and so said that you were wearing something different earlier, and that you changed your clothes." Hot Boss
"Oh yeah, I wanted to wear something more comfortable on the plane ride home." Eager Beaver
"Yeah, I can't believe he noticed. I never notice things like that..." Hot Boss

REALLY, are you JOKING me right now??? You make comments about my outfits EVERY SINGLE DAY! What do you mean that you never notice things like that. I couldn't even believe it, such a crack up. It helps that he is so damn smart and arrogant and sarcastic, pretty much the triple threat in my book! Anyways just a men are funny goodnight story for you.
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

We've been over and over the "you're playing with fire" lecture when it comes to this heavy flirtation with your boss. So, my only note here is how incongruent men are when it comes to their perception of themselves! Your boss even uttering the words "I don't notice things like that" is so ridiculous when he's repeatedly made comments to you about your outfits, it really is laughable. But I find men are often delusional about themselves. I dated a guy once who loved to say that when it came to other people's rude/stupid/indecisive behavior he was really easy going and didn't let things bother him much whether it was standing in line at a coffee shop or dealing with a client. OMG, he was sooo opposite that he had been arrested more than once for getting into fights! Like, WTF? What is it with men? I swear they will say one thing about themselves (usually about how fabulous they are in some way) and then in the same day, or even conversation, completely contradict themselves and not even be aware of it! It's insane! You do just have to shake your head and laugh otherwise you'd spend all your time popping their ego balloons.
-Hot Mama

Am I a Terrible Person??

Hot Mama,

I am starting to think that maybe I am a terrible person, and maybe karma is what has brought all of the losers into my life. I am trying to stay excited about Mr. Nice Guy, although, I am usually not attracted to nice guys! (I know, what is wrong with me!?!?) Generally, I like guys who are cocky or arrogant, and at the very least self-assured. Well on top of Mr. Nice Guy, I have this friend. He's actually one of my very best friends. So he and I have this really weird relationship, and I know that you and I have talked about it a dozen times, but things are getting more intense. We have dated in the past, but never seriously. Now we are in this super awkward extremely flirtatious place. We see each other at least once a week and have lunch or he will come over and I will cook him dinner. He's really sweet and really funny, he's smart and successful, and good looking. The only problem is, I just don't think I can get past the fact that he has slept with a couple of my friends (like 4-5 years ago). I know it shouldn't bother me and I should be excited that I have this great guy in my life, but I'm just not. I feel like I am just using that as an excuse to keep him at arms length. To top it all off, I know that I am leading him on. I play into all of the flirtatiousness and know that I am a super tease. Tonight he is coming over for dinner and he was all excited... so what did I do? I went ahead and invited his best friend. Yeah... don't think he is so excited anymore. I am trying not to give him the wrong idea, but I'm so confused myself, how could he not be confused?! Thank goodness he has never confronted me about any of this. I don't even know what I would do. It's like I've gotten us to this weird place where we can't move forward or move back.
-Eager "I'm a TERRIBLE Friend" Beaver

Eager Beaver,

You are Miss Mixed Messages! Of course arrogant cocky guys seem more fun because they're more of a challenge while Mr. Nice Guy (stable provider, good family man, faithful husband, etc.) seems boring and predictable. In terms of your "friend," yeah, you're being a little mean. You know perfectly well that he wants to take it to the next level (bed you down) and you just keep flirting with him, drawing him in and then pulling the rug out from under him. He must have a mighty hankering for you to put up with all your mixed messages crap. It's interesting though, I wonder if you guys did finally hook-up if the trail would go cold for him. Hard to tell because you're good friends and sometimes the best relationships ever come from what began as a friendship. I think you're confused because a part of your ego doesn't want him comparing you to your friends (who would?) but that's an inherent part of dating: whether you knew the previous girl he dated or not we always wonder how we measure up to the last woman they were with. Doesn't sound like either of you are in a hurry to end your sexy flirty friendship though (probably because both of you fear it will ruin everything) so there's no rush. If he really wants you, he will make a move and then you'll have to decide whether to take this relationship to the next level. In the mean time, enjoy his attention and having a good guy you can flirt with and promise you'll give your date with Mr. Nice Guy from match.com a chance? Still waters run deep! So deep.
-Hot Mama

So I Met A Nice Guy...

Hot Mama,

So, it has finally happened... I met a NICE guy. Now, I know what you are thinking: Could this actually be possible? We have spent the last three months discussing all of the guys out there that are less-than-nice, and why not... what evidence do we have to the contrary??? Well I may have to change my opinion about men as a whole (even if it's just a little bit). I had my reservations about the online world from the beginning. As you and I both know, it is easy to paint a picture of who you want to be, rather than who you actually are. You may say you are 6'1" and athletic, charming, handsome, and make over $100,000 a year, when in actuality, you are 5'9" and 250lbs, living in your parents basement and working at McDonalds... I give you most of the credit, Hot Mama, for encouraging me to take a chance on some of these guys and actually meet them. Mr. Nice Guy and I have been emailing for about two weeks. I travel a lot for work, and so does he, so meeting each other in person and coordinating schedules was semi-challenging. We finally determined a day that would work (Saturday night), and I was assuming that he would suggest something standard like coffee or drinks. You know, the usual "safe date." I was pleasantly surprised to get a text message from him the day before with four different options to chose from. SERIOUSLY, FOUR OPTIONS! They ranged from a fun outdoor date to dinner and drinks at a swanky outdoor restaraunt downtown. I was late (whoops), but he was already there when I arrived. He was polite and interesting. He offered to pay for everything, and he paid attention to what I said. It was like being on a date with someone that I already knew. Hot Mama, I think that there MAY be some hope for us after all. Maybe we just have to be patient and weird through all the weirdos and their Frankenstein shoes, to find the nice guys, who will schedule in advance and actually plan a date and not make us do all the work. We have already made plans to go to dinner on Friday, and yes, that is a whole 5 days notice. This is already a refreshing change of pace from the late night texts of Mr. Mixed Messages... I don't want to get too excited because he could still be a typical man, but who knows, maybe Mr. Nice Guy actually exists.
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

So glad to hear it! After my first couple of bad experiences a month ago I was ready to take down my profile but you convinced me I needed to stay on for awhile. And really I don't know what I was thinking: that Mr. Right was going to suddenly appear after just two weeks online? I mean, I've been alone eight years! Also, I had to hold onto the belief that I couldn't be the only sincere person (in my age group) online. I know that there are women online who're just as into getting laid by a stranger as men are but I'm not one of them and I couldn't believe that every man was just dating online for sex. There are other websites for that. Since then I've met a couple of genuine men and am so relieved to find that our faith in men has proven worth it. That being said, some of my friends are still having to "weed through the weirdoes" as evidenced by the picture of Howdy Doody-with-what-looks-like-a-fake-mustache-living-in-my-parents-basement and, even creepier still, the kissing dolls over his shoulder! Yes, this person actually expressed interest in my friend who is slim, trim and hot!



These are the guys that make you want to scream at the top of your lungs WTF! WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL THE NORMAL MEN?!!! We don't need JFK, Jr but REALLY? Since I haven't met Mr. Right, I know I'll still have my share of weirdoes to weed through but at least now I know that not all of them will be like this guy. Does he turn the dolls faces towards the wall when he's having sex (if he has sex - really, don't think about it, you'll gag)? Or does he want them to watch and learn? Seriously, who the hell raised this guy?
-Hot Mama

Do Men Ever Worry About Whether We Have Clean Underwear?

Eager Beaver,

I am nervous. Since we've joined these online dating sites I haven't met anybody that I really care to see again, except for this week I'm seeing one man again (we already had a lunch date) AND I have two other dates lined up and possibly one more. That's FOUR different men! And they all have really good potential. The problem isn't them, it's me. I was home last night pondering if after 8 years I was really ready to have a man around again. I mean I've gotten used to making my own schedule, eating what I want (and what the kids want), seeing my friends when I want, exercising when I want, watching the TV shows I like, no sports on in the house, ever, (not that I hate sports but I'd much rather watch a marathon of "Say Yes to the Dress" and I can!), sunbathing when I want (without looking like a beauty!), traveling wherever I want to go when I want to go, having family over when it's convenient for me (and not worrying about someone else's family), attending my kids sporting events, having the pets I want, buying what I want, buying what the kids want, sleeping alone (no snoring, no jostling, no alarm clock ringing at a different time), etc., etc.
It's been so nice NOT worrying about someone else's laundry, work schedule, golf schedule, family problems, meal preferences, my kid's behavior (always seen differently when someone else is around), my pet's behavior, the cleanliness of my house, the cleanliness of me, their kid's schedule and needs, an ex-wife, their travel preferences, their favorite TV shows, their sleeping habits and patterns, etc. , etc. It just seems like I'll have another child to take care of, a 6'1" 195 pound child who shaves and sits like a lunk on the couch while I scramble trying to get everything done for the family just like I do now. I mean, do men EVER drive home from work and wonder if they need to do laundry because we might be out of clean underwear or socks? NO! HELP! After all this time I can't see the upside (aside from SEX!) for having a man around. Can you see even ONE upside?
-Hot Mama Not Ready for a Man

Hot Mama,

It's funny, because I feel like we are SO in the same boat on this one. After graduating from school I was living at home with my parents for about a year. During that time, I obviously wasn't in a serious relationship (not like I could have my boyfriend sleeping over at Mom and Dad's...) Out of respect for my parents, I wouldn't stay at my guy's house either. Now that I am finally on my own and living in my own apartment, all of these things are actually a possibility. But I SO understand where you are coming from and I feel exactly the same way. I can wear whatever I want to bed, and sprawl out, and not worry about waking up every five minutes because someone is making me hot or breathing all over me. I have the flexibility to get up early and work-out before work, and not worry if I am going to wake them up. Mr.Mixed Messages has stayed over a lot, and every time that he has, I can't wait for him to leave. My home has become my own sanctuary! I totally know what you mean about not wanting to share it. Only once in my life have I actually wanted to share every part of my life with someone else. Maybe it's that we just haven't met the right guys that we want to allow into every aspect of our lives yet? I think that if someone fantastic came along, we would compromise on what we eat for dinner... right?! I can't imagine throwing the kids into the mix too. I am so busy with work, traveling for work, working out, and obligations with friends, that I can't imagine throwing two teenagers into the mix.


So KUDOS to you Hot Mama! Let's hope that someday we will meet the right guy that we want to do laundry for and watch sports with... Until then let's keep sitting on the couch, eating bon-bon's and watching as many episodes of, "Say Yes to the Dress," as we want!
-Eager Beaver

Who's The Boss?

So Hot Mama, the boss is back in town...

After your last response about my hot boss and how he treats me, I have been trying to keep it completely professional. It doesn't help that I have a very flirtatious personality and most times can't really contain myself from flirting with men. I rarely even realize that I am doing it. (I know, this has definitely gotten me into trouble in the past...) Well my boss is back in the office for the week and the flirting has definitely continued. I know that you thought he was married, which is why you told me to steer clear, but he is definitely single. 36 and single, to be exact. Is that too old for me? Haha, well maybe it's not too old for me, but he is my boss, so it is still a good idea to stay away. I just don't know what it is about him that I find so attractive. I think it's mainly his arrogance. He has been off-putting to a lot of our other employees, but treats me completely differently. We are always joking around and laughing and having fun, and there has been some texting messaging back and forth as well.

Nothing of what he has said crosses any lines, but still. This week while he has been here, he has made different comments about my outfits EVERY SINGLE DAY! First he kept commenting about some fish net stockings that I had been wearing. He kept looking at my legs, and even told me they were "distracting." Whatever that means! Then he was commenting about how high my heels were and how do I walk in those things, etc. I don't want to think anything of it. But today he tells me that he thinks I am in the wrong city and should be living somewhere else since I am so "fancy" and "fashionable." Really, is it REALLY necessary to comment on my outfits every single day?? I wear heels everyday, I like to wear skirts and nice clothes... what's the big deal. Could my outfits really be that "distracting," or is it some kind of weird come-on???
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

Here's the deal: your outfits are distracting to a man and leads them to make "weird come-ons". It's just a fact of life. I remember someone once told me to "dress for the job you want." I didn't really get what she meant because I thought I dressed great. Funnily enough, I was dressed too conservatively for the job I wanted in TV. I always wore suits, so I looked more like a lawyer than a TV personality. Then I went the other way and I think I dressed too provocatively because I wore fishnets too and like you, got comments from male co-workers. I think it's interesting that you're going through the same thing and it just confirms, 15 years later, that fishnets probably aren't a great idea unless we worked in the fashion industry. So, I guess you have to ask yourself honestly: do you dress for an engineering company or a PR Firm?


Obviously, your boss is hot for you. And the hot young way you dress just adds fuel to the fire of his desire. I know you already know what the "right" thing to do is (not sleep with your boss) but I also know people want what they want. So, if you do end up going down that road I'd like you to at least really, really think about the immediate repercussions and then the long-term repercussions if you end up having an all-out affair. People are really good at rationalizing: he's not married, he lives out of town, this isn't actually my chosen career blah, blah. It's not a matter of whether or not he's too old for you, that's completely irrelevant, what matters is that he is your boss. He controls the situation. He is the source of your paycheck. It is completely inappropriate for both of you. You may think you have the power with your sexuality, and you do to some degree, but in the end the reality is that he has all the power and if it crashes and burns it could cost both of you more than a roll-in-the-hay is really worth.
-Hot Mama

Sexting Part II: You are NOT as out of touch as we thought...

OMG Hot Mama,

I have such a good story to tell you about Sexting. We've talked so much about it and how it is so common among teenagers and people who are my age. WELL... maybe it is not as common as I originally thought. I am starting to think that maybe I am one of the few who goes around sexting guys, and maybe that's why I am stuck always dating losers and creeps. So, I was talking with one of my friends whose boyfriend is out of town on business for about three weeks. Of course, she is already missing him, and this time apart has been hard on them. They are on different coasts in different time zones, and they just haven't been clicking. Well, she wanted to chat with him on Skype, and even hinted to him that things could get a little racy. He said that he was tired, and basically shot her down. Now, being that I am Miss. Sexter over here, I tell her to go into the bathroom and take a naughty picture of herself to send to him. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I wish you could have seen her face. She looks at me aghast and says, "I can't do that, that's illegal. It's pornography!" I could hardly contain myself. After a few minutes of explaining that #1 Pornography is definitely NOT illegal and #2 Neither is sexting, we had a great laugh about it. I know we've listed all the many reasons to be cautious of sexting, but going to jail was definitely not one of them! See... you are not the only sexting newbie!
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

Oddly, I had a story from a friend confirm what you just discovered about your friend. My friend, has a 27 year old daughter who also has never sexted! And, of course, neither has my friend. And here I thought I was late to the party, but it sounds like it's just getting started!
-Hot Mama

P.S. Please remember girls to be careful whom you sext what because you don't want the pictures to end up on your Facebook page or worse!

I Lost My V Card... Online

Eager Beaver,

I'm so pissed off I can hardly see straight. I've been on an online dating site for three weeks now and have only been on two dates so far, one of them with Mr. Frankenstein whom I've already written about. My second date was with a man 17 years younger than me who looked 10 years older and since I look 10 years younger it didn't seem far-fetched... plus he doesn't want to have kids. Perfect because my eggs are past their pull-date anyway. We hit it off intellectually which was so nice as it can be difficult to find an intelligent conversationalist! Oh, but then it quickly degenerated into him expressing his interest in having sex with me. Whatever, flattering I guess, but the reason I have been so choosey about who I respond to is trying to cull out the creepers who are only online for sex! Sooo many of them are and if they aren't...well, let's just say there's a reason they're alone. It's freaking frustrating but I think part of the problem is the women online. I mean, have you looked at some of their profiles?!!! They might as well just be naked for the way they're practically screaming for a good f...! Holy moly! Aaack, aren't there ANY men left out there who're looking for a genuine relationship with a nice person and, trust me, I'm not opposed to hot sex but getting to know each other should come first? Shouldn't it? Or am I just old-fashioned? Have you jumped into the online shark tank, I mean pool, yet?
-Hot Mama

Hot Mama,

I am no longer a virgin! Well... no longer an online dating virgin that is. Despite your ups and downs, and your story about Mr. Frankenstein, I decided to go through with it, and actually go out on a date with a guy I met online. Now, to protect his identity, let's call my date, Mr. Do-Gooder. I call him this with sincerity, and in no way to be a joke. I have only been "dating" online for a week, and he is one of the first guys whose email sparked my interest. I have been getting so many, "You're hot" or "Are you interested in me?" emails, that I was about ready to throw in the towel and give up, when I got the email from Mr. Do-Gooder. His email to me was short and sweet, and he said that he thought we lived too far apart, but wanted me to know that he thought I was beautiful. So I emailed him back, thanking him for the nice email and detailing all of the creeper / loser guys I had met online. After a few emails back and forth he tells me that he has been traveling and visiting friends out of state, but will be driving through Portland on his way home. He asked me if I wanted to meet for dinner... so I said yes. I didn't feel nervous about the date until about an hour before, and then I was completely ready to cancel. But I gave myself a pep-talk and reminded myself that I am a strong and independent woman, and that it was basically like meeting a new friend. So I show up, and to my surprise he is actually cuter than he was in his pictures. He was smart, well-spoken, interesting, and actually asked me questions about myself. (How refreshing compared to most of the men that I've dated!!) Mr. Do-Gooder described his three years in the Peace Corps in Africa (I told you he was a Do-Gooder) and about his excitment to start Law School this fall. After a great dinner the night ended and we exchanged text messages later saying that we both had a great time. Go figure, wouldn't it be my luck that I would meet a good guy and he lives 3 1/2 hours away. BUT this has definitely given me hope. Not to say that I don't think I will get a lot more creeper emails, but maybe there are some good guys out there online, just trying to meet that perfect girl...
-Eager Beaver

Online Dating Sites: Haven for Creepers?

Eager Beaver,

So, I'm back in the online dating world and I'd forgotten (it's been a few years) what it was like. At first it was exciting to have all this attention from all these men, but then slowly reality sinks in and you realize that there are just so many creepers out there and finding a good guy is difficult. I recently had a date with a guy who seemed like a real possibility; my age, nice looking, because of his former tennis-pro life hadn't had a chance to settle down but was looking for something serious now, works directly with John McEnroe but in New York. Comes to town frequently though to see relatives and really wants to relocate. Emails were nice and then came the phone number exchange to set-up a time to meet.

We ended up speaking with him on a Sunday night...when he was drunk. He had spent the whole day boating and drinking with his family. I won't bore you with the details of the, "getting to know you" convo and just say that I shoulda known better. Because at some point in his effort to impress me he tells me about a modeling show that took place at the tennis arena with Serena Williams as the MC. He went on to say that all the female workers at the facility lamented the fact that all the males models were gay and when I commented that it must have been nice for the male workers he says, "Well, you know what they about models... The only advantage of their height is you don't have to bend them over in the shower to have sex!" WTF?!! Seriously, you don't even know me and you're making a gross comment like that? By this point we had made plans to meet Monday night and every bone in my body screamed CANCEL, BAIL, BAIL, BAIL! But being polite I thought, "Well, he's drunk, maybe he'll be fine in person." Wrong. So, wrong. Within the first two minutes he was talking about kissing me, yuck!!!

At the end of the date he asked me for a ride to his cousin's house (what?!!) and tried to lay one on my lips AFTER I had made it clear he wasn't getting a ride and my body language clealry said I'm soooooo not interested.
I practically ran from him. BTW he did NOT look like his pictures, he had a weird limp, Frankstein shoes to compensate for the weird limp and was shorter than he claimed even with Frankenstein shoes on. All that aside, what was gross was his immediately trying to get to sex. I cannot believe men my age are sooooo freaking gross and immature! Have you tried online dating yet and if so, how's it going?
-Disgusted Hot Mama


Oh Hot Mama,

What is that saying... "You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a Prince." Well, I certainly think you've found one of your many frogs. I recently took the plunge into online dating (literally less than one week ago), and so far I don't really know what to expect. I think that your story is pretty much exactly how I imagined online dating to be. Men say that they are 5'10" when really they are 5'8" and 30lbs overweight, and look nothing like their pictures. And why would he put pictures up that don't even look like him??? Are you seriously supposed to get there and not be annoyed by the fact that he looks nothing like what you expected? I don't even understand that. I look 100% like my profile pictures. Because if someone finds me attractive, I want them to find the CURRENT me attractive, not the me from 6 months or a year ago or whatever. To top it off, I cannot even believe that he tried to freaking kiss you! Especially when you were clearly giving him the cold shoulder and trying to be completely uninviting. I wonder if men just figure that they might as well, since they never know when they are going to get a chance with a living, breathing, attractive woman again. I think you probably should've gone with your gut and cancelled, especially after the drunken Sunday night phone call... Really, how old is he anyways?? Getting drunk on a Sunday night and then calling you. How rude and inconsiderate.

Yet, despite your story, I am still going to go through with it. I have my first date with someone I met online tomorrow night. I am getting a little bit nervous and anxious, but he seems like a nice guy. Hopefully he will look like his pictures. Wish me luck! Can't wait to let you know how it goes...
-Hopeful Eager Beaver

Where Can I Meet an Attractive SINGLE Man?

Hot Mama,

I am getting so sick and tired of not meeting any smart, talented, and attractive available men. I feel like in your generation women were able to meet men so much easier than today! I hear all of these stories of my friend's parents and people my parents age that have these great ways that they met their spouses or significant others. One of my best friends parents even met at the PUBLIC LIBRARY! My mom tells me that she used to meet men in elevators, at the Bus Stop, in the park, etc. I feel like I don't meet them anywhere. Is everyone a complete loser? I feel like all of the guys that approach me are no-job-having-losers. Although they are generally young and attractive, I feel like they are going absolutely no where. Am I just destined to be single and alone forever??? I am so frustrated I just never even want to go anywhere anymore!!
-Frustrated (And STILL SINGLE) Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

Seriously it's time to get into the 21st century! If Hot Mama can, you can too! We met people at the Library back in tne day because we HAD to! Women did NOT go to bars and we didn't have the internet. You had to catch a man's eye wherever you might stumble across one, that's why women never left the house without make up on or in their sweat pants and a baseball cap! You had to be "dressed" in case you did meet someone!

Look there are no excuses anymore, there's like a thousand dating websites and while you may think, "I'm too young for that." I say "bull-hooey!" You're a young busy professional and so is a guy you'd like to meet. He and his friends are hitting bars but they don't go there to meet quality women, they go there to get some "relief" from their physical needs. Yeah, every once in awhile someone meest someone in a bar but very, very rarely. I have so many friend who met, dated, and married all because of the internet. And it's cheaper than spending your money in bars! That's not to say there aren't creepers on it, (there ARE!) but you just have to be wise in culling through them. Will you go on some crap-ass dates and be so mad you want to scream? Yes. Will you have great stories to tell all your girlfriends? YES! Hilarious stories. So, get off your high horse and jump into the internet dating pool! The great thing is you can always take a break from it whenever you feel like you're being circled by sharks or you've seen one too many dogfish, spineless jelly fish or eels.
-Hot Mama



Hot Mama,

I think you have officially convinced me to do it! I'm taking the plung. I have been considering online dating for a while now, but have been kind of nervous about the kind of guys that I could meet online. But you are right! I am young and busy... when do I have time to meet guys at the library or on the street?? Who am I kidding?! I'm tired of the bar scene, and guys hitting on me with their only intention being to sleep with me. I need to find a quality man. 21st Century, here I am! Let the dating begin...
-Eager Beaver

What Is It About Musicians?

Hot Mama,

So... for as long as I can remember, I have been ADDICTED to musicians. I don't understand what it is, but as soon a guy picks up a guitar and starts singing, I'm a goner. Ever since high school I have always been so attracted to guys who are musically inclined. Even the ones that are only so-so looking... as soon as I find out that they can sing or play the guitar, they suddenly become 10x hotter. I see a guy onstage and I immediately want to jump his bones! (Do people even say that anymore?? I don't know, but I totally want to!)

Of course, I know that I am not the only woman who is attracted to these kind of guys, I mean groupies have existed for years and years. Every time I go to a concert I get so excited and start jumping up and down like I'm a love-struck teenager. I don't know if it's the mystery, the bad boy vibe, or the smoldering sexy eyes, but it drives me crazy. Do you have the same feelings about musicians? Have you ever dated any? I dated one when I was in college (of course he was the lead singer), and he caused me nothing but stress. He always knew all of the right things to say, and the ways to make me swoon. And every time he looked at me, it was like he was undressing me on the spot with his eyes. SO HOT! But it was so hard to get past the thought that he had the same effect on all the girls, and that they were throwing themselves at him nightly. He would play his guitar and sing "my song," to me. Who knows how many girls he had fed that same line to... He was covered with tattoos and was always drunk or doing some kind of drugs, something I would never put up with from just an average Joe. He was poor and constantly struggling for cash, but somehow I was so into him. Looking back at him now, he really wasn't good looking at all, and I can't remember a single date he took me on. I am SHOCKED at my poor judgment, but I just can't help. It was just every time that he got out under those lights and stepped onstage, I became smitten and was under his spell. How do they do it to us Hot Mama??
-Eager Beaver

Oh Eager Beaver,

My beaver was eager for the lead singer of a band in the 80's and yes, I lost my vigirnity to him at the ripe old age of 22. I had held out all those years in the hopes of giving the gift of my sweet cherry to the man I would eventually marry. By 21 I was thinking, "This ain't ever gonna happen." Also, by 21 I was really curious as to what all the fuss was about. Now mind you I had gotten naked with some guys but had the sense to pick men of character who never forced the issue with me . Then Johnny, yes, really his name was/is Johnny, rocked into my life.

Well, actually a friend and I walked into the Astro in Downtown Seattle and Johnny and his band were playing. That was it. I was hooked and so apparently was he. He was 10 years older and all bad boy rocker - black leather jacket, black levi's, black boots, black tshirt, smoldering blue eyes and a crooked grin. Dang, I think I need a minute...ok I'm back. Anyhoo, I held him off for the better part of a year, in retropsect of course he must have been "relieving the stress" with other women. No matter, I gave it up to him in a seedy motel, I barely remember the actual moment (anit-climatic, in all ways) but Johnny was horrified when he discovered that he was my first. Apparently he would have been much better had he known, doubtful, but I have no regrets it's a memorable tale. And I'll always have the picture of him standing in the foyer of my sorority in full rocker get-up as I traisped down the stairs with my swinging blond hair and flowered sweater not knowing that when I got in the "Cheech and Chong" van that I would soon be giving up my flower.

I don't know what to tell you chiquita, except that I've been hooked on musicians ever since and the sight of a guy grinding it out under the lights onstage giving it his all makes us willing to give him our all. Rock on!
-Hot Mama

You hit the nail on the head Hot Mama, I couldn't agree more. The black leather jacket, the smoldering look, the crooked grin... how do ALL rockstars know how to do that?? It must be something in the water! Now we know what Jennifer Aniston was thinking when she hooked up with her own Johnny, John Mayer. Such a bad boy and she knew it, but they are OH so irrisitable.

Teacher's Pet

Hot Mama,

Okay, so I don't know if I should put this out here and I feel funny even writing it to you, but here goes... I think my boss has a crush on me. This is uncharted territory for me and I don't know what to do! I am used to men my own age and guys out in public hitting on me or making inappropriate comments or whatever. However, it feels totally different to have all of this sexual tension with a man who is #1 MY BOSS and #2 12 years older than me. Now, my parents have an age gap, and it is something that I have always been used to. It's not that I wouldn't consider dating someone who was that much older than me, so I guess that it's not that big a deal. But now I find myself not knowing how to act when I am around him. I am flirtatious by nature, and I don't think I have been acting any differently towards him than with any of my other coworkers. I don't know if I just need to tone it down completely or keep things going as they are. Everything has been just innocent flirting, but maybe I am giving off the wrong vibe... Has this ever happened to you? What happens if he makes a move? Hot Mama am I the Teacher's Pet right now?!?
-Eager Beaver




Eager Beaver,

Put the brakes on now! It is NEVER okay for the boss to flirt with a co-worker and especially a married boss who flirts with a much younger co-worker! It may be innocent enough now but a man thinks you're flirting even if you just say "Hi" with a smile (it's so annoying). He has all the power, you have none in this situation. Hopefully you haven't reached the stage where you're day dreaming about him. You're playing with fire and you definitely need to bring it down a notch. And yes, I have been in this situation and you just need to find a way to keep them at arm's length. Since you don't have a husband to remind him of, I would suggest a boyfriend. Some people reading this are probably wondering why you need to do anything at all and can't you just draw a line in the sand and put him in his place? I mean, it's totaly unacceptable afterall, but you do have to work there and you don't want it to be uncomfortable and, insulting as this is, men are men (dear readers, please re-read Elle article for refresher on how men think, posted under "Is Sex All Men Think About"). The bottom line is that he holds the keys to your job and this flirtation is wrong. He's also setting himself up for a lawsuit should he try something. So, "Teacher's Pet", do the thinking for both of you, and back-off this ill-advised flirtation before it turns into something disasterous for everyone concerned.
-Hot Mama

The $5 Test...

Hot Mama,

Interesting proposition for you: On the radio this morning they were talking about this "test" and I need to know if you would EVER consider trying something like this. So they were calling random women and asking them to try the, "$5 Test." Apparently what you do is go to a bar with only five dollars, and see if you can last the whole night and still drink and have fun (aka get guys to buy drinks for you). Now, I'm not going to lie... I definitely let guys buy me drinks at the bar. BUT, I never go to the bar with the intention of not spending any of my own money, and relying strictly on men to pick up the tab. I guess I was raised to be more self sufficient than that. I appreciate it for sure when guys buy me drinks, but I have a job and I am perfectly capable of buying my own drinks. Now I know this doesn't take into account men's motives for buying you drinks... which is generally to get you to go home with them (Am I right?!?).


But to me doing something like this would make me feel almost as sleazy as some of the men that I meet. Is this a test that we should try? Do other women actually go out there and do things like this? I don't spend a lot of money at the bars when I go out, but it is never a personal mission of mine to spend the least amount possible. And sometimes I even want to return the favor and buy a cute guy who has been buying me drinks all night a drink... Is that so wrong? Should we be using men for the free drinks? They are in fact the ones who think that by buying us the drinks they can get us to go home with them...
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

Interesting dilemma. My inital reaction was "Sure, why not? Sounds like fun". However, then do you find yourself flirting with guys you have no interest in just to get a free drink? And how do you shake them if you have no interest and want to move on to the guy you're really interested in? I'm not so disturbed by the financial part for a guy, lord knows how much they remember they consume in alcholol and, for sure, they use it as an excuse to get to know us and into our pants. But I would also feel a little class-less just getting drinks from a guy and not having any real interest in him. That seems low-brow to me. The argument could be made that it's certainly no worse than accepting a date, having him take you to dinner and then not having sex with him. So, if it's not a moral issue for someone, and I don't think it's whether or not you were raised to be self-sufficient because we still expect them to pay for dates, and you're not worried about a guy thinking you're a bitch, then I'd say go for it. But still, for me, I just would not want the hassle of shaking a guy off at the end of the night.
Hot Mama