Why don't men seem to know where our "button" is let alone what to do with it? They put their hand down your pants and rub like they're a boy scout trying to start a freakin' fire. Half the time their hand isn't even on your button, it's off center and rubbing your thigh bone. Like, really, right now? At our age have you NOT figured out where a woman's clitoris is? And, God help us when they go down for some oral because in some outdated guy's manual to woman parts they were told that Speed Racer fast with their tongue is the thing to make us writhe with pleasure. Actually guys, we're just writhing around to get out from under your completely ineffectual and annoying as hell foreplay. Seriously, with the internet and all the free information available could you not have looked it up by now? Besides which, you guys had Playboy and Penthouse back in the day. I don't know, it just really seems to me like men don't care. Or, it's our fault, as in, it's women's fault. Maybe we need to speak up and show them. We're so worried about their fragile egos that we keep our mouths shut instead of trying to get what we need too. Or we're worried that they'll get bored or, worse, annoyed, and not want to have sex with us again. But honestly, I believe that it's just laziness and self-centeredness on their end. If we moan a little they think they're on the right track and all is well and then they just go about getting themselves off and assume our noises meant it was good for us too.
I saw the funniest thing on Extra, the beautiful and hilarious Jenny McCarthy was standing with Mario Lopez in a front of a group of men and she asked "How many of you think a girl you've been with has faked an orgasm?" One lone guy raises his hand, Jenny surveys the rest of the crowd and says "Oh boy, the rest of you are just idiots!" So, it can' just be the men I run into, it's got to be most of them. If they ever actually asked us how it was, or what they could do to help us get-off, we might tell them what really makes us squirm like a worm on a hook for all the right reasons. I know I won't say anything, especially if it's been awhile since we had sex, because my strategy is that I just want him to get-off and then I'm hoping we can go again and when he's not so frenetic I can show him what to do. I really think I need to start setting a better example for you and tell the yahoos what they need to do in order to bring me and my button to a screaming orgasm. So, at least if I'm having the chutzpah to speak up maybe you will too. I don't know if men your age are better at this than men my age but it sure is frustrating that they still don't seem to know what the hell to do with our buttons. They've only had a few million years to get on that, literally.
-Hot Mama
Hot Mama,
I have been hoping and praying that men would eventually get better as they grow and mature, but I guess now I know that is not the case. Kind of depressing if you ask me! I totally agree though, that although it isn't our fault, we completely enable them to continue to be ineffectual. As women we want to please our man, and we try to get into sex, but it can be distracting when we are trying not to wince in pain from them stabbing us with their fingers. I also find it SO annoying, that men spend about two minutes going down on a woman, and then expect you to hang out down there until you have lock-jaw and feel like you are going to pass out from exhaustion. I've only been with one guy who was ever curious to know how he was doing in that department, and ALWAYS asked me what I liked and didn't like, and how it felt. Suffice it to say, that is the exception not the rule. Half of the time, I wonder if they even care... As long as they get off, I don't think it matters too much to them if we do. Why don't men try harder to please their women?? We should publish a manual that ALL men should read.
It cracks me up that Jenny McCarthy (WHO I LOVE, by the way), said that. It is so true. Men always think that it couldn't ever be them because they are always with women who, "seem to be enjoying it." Well let me just tell you, sometimes it's just easier to fake it, while the whole time you are making a list in your head of things you have to do the next day and what you have to pick up at the store...
-Eager Beaver
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