My Best Friend is one of the sweetest and most amazing people that I have ever met. She has never had any trouble meeting guys... I think it helps that she is also drop dead gorgeous. However, since high school she has been off and on (again and again and again) with the same guy. This guy happens to be extremely moody and Bi-Polar. Basically, they have been in some stage of dating or breaking up or getting back together for the last SEVEN years. I know, how can someone my age have already been with someone for seven years?
Seems impossible, but it's true. Anyways, we were recently out Christmas shopping for gifts for our family, and I asked her what she was going to get the Bi-Polar Boyfriend. And she tells me that she doesn't think she is going to get him anything. (Not that I think he really deserves anything) I was shocked! How can you date someone for seven years, and not get them a Christmas gift?? So I asked her why she didn't want to. And she replies, "Because I don't expect him to get me anything..." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! You don't think Bi-Polar Boyfriend should have to get you a present? After SEVEN freaking years of ups and downs, you think that he isn't going to even buy you a present? By seven years, I would be expecting diamonds or something. In my opinion it is safe to say that you can expect a present after so many years together. It really bothered me, but I didn't want to make Best too upset, so I didn't say much. But I can't help thinking about it. Why do we accept this kind of treatment from the people that we are with? 
I don't think that Christmas is just about getting gifts. I understand the meaning behind Christmas, and that it's the thought that counts. But seriously... shouldn't he be showing her that he loves her? Even just a little bit. It makes me sad for my Best... what if they get married? Then what. Then is she allowed to "expect" gifts on major holidays or her birthday?MEN ARE SO DUMB.
-Eager Beaver
Eager Beaver,
I know that your Best's relationship is seriously messed up in so many other ways but when she says she doesn't expect anything I think it's just what he's "trained" her to say to herself to avoid disappointment. Unfortunately many, if not most, men aren't as thoughtful about gift giving and little shows of affection and attention as women are so we're constantly disappointed. My ex-husband, who's not a bad guy, was a terrible gift giver. In fact, after our marriage, when he had his first girlfriend and I asked him what he was getting her for Christmas he said "a shoe shine kit". YES! I am not even kidding, ask my children, a shoe shine kit! I was appalled!
I immediately said "No, you cannot give Francine a shoe shine kit! Come over to my house and pick out something from my present closet to give her, please!" So, he came over and I laid out some jewelry and he picked a turquoise and silver bracelet for her. After Christmas I asked him how it had gone and he said great except for the fact that he felt "weird" when she went on and on about the beautiful bracelet and not the shoe shine kit. Some women may be wondering why I would do this. Well, she was a super nice lady, great with my kids, and I didn't want her to be hurt by him like I had over the years by his totally clueless gifts. Anyway, Valentine's Day rolls around and unfortunately for her I didn't think to ask him beforehand what he was getting her (cuz, dang Valentine's Day should be pretty easy). I remembered afterwards and asked him what he'd gotten for Francine and he said, swear to God this is true, a Dove's chocolate rose and an oven mitt. Yes, an oven mitt. So, my dearest Eager Beaver, it may be for the best that your Best shore herself up against disappointment now before they're married so she doesn't spend the rest of her life "hoping" he'll actually turn into a kind, thoughtful man because a dog rarely changes its spots.-Hot Mama
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