So I've left my match.com profile up, even though I haven't been using it very much or responding to very many emails or anything. I just got burnt out of the same old guys, emailing the same old thing. Normally, I attract guys between 25 and 35, a pretty safe age range for me. However, with it being a new year, I thought I would check in on my profile and see if there was anything good going on. And I've gotten a lot of emails recently, one from a 46 year old man. YES, FORTY-SIX. You seriously think that it is okay for you to be emailing me right now??? I've cut some of the email for your amusement...
Hello...
My name is Kenny. What can I say? I saw your photo and I think you're gorgeous, for starters. I'd like to meet you; I wish I was about 10 years younger. I'm not by any means "old" yet, though..lol. I'm kind of a biker from way back; love the hotrods, but I still have some Armani hangin' in the closet and I like clean. Sold the bike in my profile pictures before I left Florida; Haven't bought another yet. I smoke on occasion but I am quitting. Lost my brother in '87, Dad in '95, Step Dad in '96. Mom's remarried; travels the world but broke her hip 6-8 mos. ago; kind what brought me out here. Also starting over. And that is quite enough said about me. Now I want to know EVERYTHING about you.. I would Love to hear from you, Sweetheart.
I'll understand if you don't respond, though.
Hope you are well,
Kenny
Did you seriously just call me "Sweetheart" in your email to me? Like as if you aren't already old enough to be my father, you have the nerve to call me Sweetheart?! I would just be so curious to know if emails and lines like these ever actually work on women. Because, it is definitely not attracting me or turning me on... not even a little bit! I don't know what I am really expecting from the online dating world, and I know you and I have both had mixed experiences. Sometimes, I wonder if I should just remove my profile all together...
-Eager Beaver
Eager Beaver,
OMG! What a freakin' idiot! Really, right now? Like he can't find someone 10 years older or younger than him to "hit" on, if that pathetic freakin' message can be called "hitting" on? I want to barf. It gags me. Newsflash Kenny: that email wouldn't work on a 65 year old! Who wants a chronological list of people from 23 years ago that have died in your life? WTF? What is that supposed to mean even? And, really, do you think a 24 year old gorgeous girl wants to hear that your mother BROKE HER HIP? Classic old person move? Does he need you to nurse her back to health? Oh my God, I can't even stand it, it's soooooooo stupid on so many levels. That being said; you have to stay on for our own amusement and amazement!
-Hot Mama
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