Sometimes it would be nice...

Hot Mama,

There is no time like the holidays to make you realize that sometimes it would just be nice to have a man around. I feel like I am a very competent and new-age kind of woman, and that I can handle almost anything that life throws my way. I can take care of a clogged drain and can do my own taxes. I've said it before, and I will say it again, I am happy to be a single lady. It's just that there are some things that I would NOT like to HAVE to do. As I am in my apartment struggling to take down all of my Christmas decorations, I just wish that there was someone else here to help me with all the heavy lifting. My Best is a fantastic roommate and a great help, but we are both 5'7" and not exactly made of muscle.


I am now sitting, starring at my Christmas tree, wondering how in the hell I am going to get it out of my apartment. It is almost ten feet tall, and equally as big around. There is no way two twenty-somethings can carry it down two flights of stairs and out of our apartment. How am I going to lift it out of the stand? I just want a nice, strong, handsome man to come in and take care of it for me! I want him to lift up all of my heavy boxes of decorations and put them back into storage with me. I want to cook him a nice dinner and drink a glass of wine, and give him a kiss and a pat on the back as he does all of the manly-work! I am tired of being the woman AND the man of the house. Ugh, I feel so bad even saying this. But sometimes I just want to be June Cleaver. I want to be Lucille Ball. I want to do my womanly duties, and have a testosterone filled man to take care of the rest!
-Struggling and Frustrated Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

Oh dear. I totally understand. Over the holidays my son's bedroom door came unhinged, my refrigerator died, my Mom dropped her garage door on my car, my DVD player died, the caulking 'round my tub came undone, my car's brakes started making a funny noise and did I mention my Christmas decorations are still up as well? Can I solve all these problems myself? After some time and research and asking lots of questions, of course. Do I want to? No, I don't. End of story. I work full time, have two kids, pets and a house to maintain. I'm tired of being self-sufficient. If you find a nice, handy, handsome man for yourself will you please ask if he has a single Uncle for me?
-Hot Mama

Let's Give Them Something to Talk About...

Hot Mama,

Much to the delight of my Mom, I have been staying at my parents house over the holidays. It has been a blast to spend the time with my Mom and Dad and my two sisters. While at home we got really into watching one of our favorite shows together, "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." I know we have blogged about my love for the entire Kardashian family before, and my Mom and sisters feel exactly the same way. (Dad - Definitely not so much...) My Dad is more of a Bruce. He is definitely the most "conservative" of the group, and wants to keep his daughters from being so scandalous. I feel like with three twenty-something daughters, my Dad TOTALLY relates to Bruce on that one. Well, we were all watching the compilation, "Junk in the Trunk 2" episode. So as anyone who has seen the show knows, the sisters K are OBSESSED with sex. Like literally obsessed. And they talk about it ALL the time. I would consider myself extremely close with my sisters, and my mom is by far my Best Friend. But, we just never really talk about sex. Both of my sisters have serious boyfriends, and I date a lot of guys that my parents know about. It just seems to be one of those "off-limits" subjects. I know my Dad would definitely NOT want to know about it... but I wonder if my Mom wishes that we would share those kind of details with her. As your beautiful daughter is getting older and starting to date more and more, is this something you want to know or talk about with her? Do you talk about sex with your Mom? Was it always that way?? I am not looking to have these big-raunchy-Kardashian style sex talks with my Mom, but I am just curious.
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

I do talk about sex with my daughter, who's just 16 and still a V, because I want her to be WAY more informed than I was about sex which I didn't have until I was almost 22. So old! There's so much I want her to know about how her body works, how his body works, what it "should" feel like and what it "shouldn't" fell like - physically and emotionally. I'm still learning about sex myself and what I'm willing to put up with and what I'm not. I'm still working on getting up the courage to tell the man what works for me and what doesn't, which is so sad. We should be able to tell men how to give us real pleasure rather than faking it for their egos. I wouldn't even consider NOT talking with her about it because it's such a huge component of the human experience (and, of course, we hope he has a huge component! Ha, ha) and I want her to be as informed as possible. Right now she'll listen to stuff up to a point but she finds some things too gross to hear about to but I'm hoping I'm setting the stage for her to some day feel free to ask me anything she likes about it. And yes, I totally talk with my Mom now about sex. I didn't growing up but when my Dad died 13 years ago and she got a boyfriend three years later she had a lot of questions, mostly about oral, which I was happy to answer for her. To be honest, I feel a little sad that your Mom isn't comfortable enough to talk with her three beautiful daughters about this critical issue that can make or break relationships. I'm sure she's just a product of her upbringing and that if she knew that she could be even that much closer to you guys by including this topic in your mother/daughter time she'd open up like a firecracker on the Fourth of July!
=Hot Mama

Are You Serious Right Now??

Hot Mama,

My Best Friend is one of the sweetest and most amazing people that I have ever met. She has never had any trouble meeting guys... I think it helps that she is also drop dead gorgeous. However, since high school she has been off and on (again and again and again) with the same guy. This guy happens to be extremely moody and Bi-Polar. Basically, they have been in some stage of dating or breaking up or getting back together for the last SEVEN years. I know, how can someone my age have already been with someone for seven years? Seems impossible, but it's true. Anyways, we were recently out Christmas shopping for gifts for our family, and I asked her what she was going to get the Bi-Polar Boyfriend. And she tells me that she doesn't think she is going to get him anything. (Not that I think he really deserves anything) I was shocked! How can you date someone for seven years, and not get them a Christmas gift?? So I asked her why she didn't want to. And she replies, "Because I don't expect him to get me anything..." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! You don't think Bi-Polar Boyfriend should have to get you a present? After SEVEN freaking years of ups and downs, you think that he isn't going to even buy you a present? By seven years, I would be expecting diamonds or something. In my opinion it is safe to say that you can expect a present after so many years together. It really bothered me, but I didn't want to make Best too upset, so I didn't say much. But I can't help thinking about it. Why do we accept this kind of treatment from the people that we are with? I don't think that Christmas is just about getting gifts. I understand the meaning behind Christmas, and that it's the thought that counts. But seriously... shouldn't he be showing her that he loves her? Even just a little bit. It makes me sad for my Best... what if they get married? Then what. Then is she allowed to "expect" gifts on major holidays or her birthday?
MEN ARE SO DUMB.
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

I know that your Best's relationship is seriously messed up in so many other ways but when she says she doesn't expect anything I think it's just what he's "trained" her to say to herself to avoid disappointment. Unfortunately many, if not most, men aren't as thoughtful about gift giving and little shows of affection and attention as women are so we're constantly disappointed. My ex-husband, who's not a bad guy, was a terrible gift giver. In fact, after our marriage, when he had his first girlfriend and I asked him what he was getting her for Christmas he said "a shoe shine kit". YES! I am not even kidding, ask my children, a shoe shine kit! I was appalled! I immediately said "No, you cannot give Francine a shoe shine kit! Come over to my house and pick out something from my present closet to give her, please!" So, he came over and I laid out some jewelry and he picked a turquoise and silver bracelet for her. After Christmas I asked him how it had gone and he said great except for the fact that he felt "weird" when she went on and on about the beautiful bracelet and not the shoe shine kit. Some women may be wondering why I would do this. Well, she was a super nice lady, great with my kids, and I didn't want her to be hurt by him like I had over the years by his totally clueless gifts. Anyway, Valentine's Day rolls around and unfortunately for her I didn't think to ask him beforehand what he was getting her (cuz, dang Valentine's Day should be pretty easy). I remembered afterwards and asked him what he'd gotten for Francine and he said, swear to God this is true, a Dove's chocolate rose and an oven mitt. Yes, an oven mitt. So, my dearest Eager Beaver, it may be for the best that your Best shore herself up against disappointment now before they're married so she doesn't spend the rest of her life "hoping" he'll actually turn into a kind, thoughtful man because a dog rarely changes its spots.
-Hot Mama