I am sitting in the airport after a long and grueling week of travelling, and I am BEYOND excited to finally be heading home and the idea of having a good nights sleep in my own bed. Not to mention not having to live out of a suitcase... I'm sitting in a bar "working" and looking around at all of my fellow travelers. The bar is FULL, like 100% (excluding me) of SWM. Not that I am surprised that the majority of people traveling are Single White Males, but still, it makes me wonder, who is on the other end of these men? I imagine that the majority of them are married, although I can't see if everyone is wearing a ring. And I wonder how their wives feel about managing everything on the homefront.
Not that women don't most of the time (even when men are present), I am just thinking it must be 100x harder with the husband not physically there. I think about my roommate and how sad she is that I am gone all of the time, and I wonder how it would be if I had a husband. Currently, I have a great job and make good money and do a lot of traveling, so would that make me the breadwinner? Would I have a house-husband? Would my husband be alone watching the kids? Would we take turns? It's interesting because one of my co-workers travels almost as much as I do. She has a full-time nanny during the day for her two year old daughter, but when she is gone for overnights, her husband is totally Mr. Mom. She will be gone for three, four, five days at a time, and he covers it on the home-front. I think it is such a great new-age way of thinking. They both have great jobs and at the same time, they both totally have each other's backs and are in a true partnership. If I ever get married ad have a family, I want you to be Auntie Hot Mama, and stay and take care of my kids when I am gone for work, k?-Eager Beaver
Eager Beaver,
Ha ha! Me stay home and take care of kids at this stage of life, good one. No, I am just about done raising my two beautiful children and looking forward to the freedom that it is going to afford me very soon. I am worn out. I have given everything I have as a single Mom to raising them to be wonderful people and soon it will be your turn to try your hand at this challenging and most rewarding life task! And of course your own mom and Auntie Hot Mama will be there to give you an assist from time to time but I know you'll do a great job! And I hope you're lucky enough to find a husband who seems to be as great as your coworkers. Negotiating the "who stays home while the other works/travels?" is probably the trickiest minefield of any marriage. It is fraught with compromise for both people AND the kids! It is still a new-age way of thinking because men's ego still prefer that they are the major breadwinner in the family, not necessarily sole, but definitely main. So, if you think you will be the majority breadwinner you're gonna need some kind of secure guy to take a financial backseat to you. And if you feel comfortable traveling and leaving him home to attend the play dates/groups without you, then go for it.
I think unfortunately any marriage where one or both parties travel leaves your marriage door that much more ajar for someone else to come in. Between staying in hotels, attending conferences and after-conference dinners or parties, the traveling man/woman has many many more opportunities to stray. And initially a newly married man/woman probably(?) wouldn't stray but put on a few years, a few kids and a few pounds and that new hire at the office that has to travel too suddenly looks overwhelmingly attractive. They have the lightness of not being bogged down with work, a home, children, aging parents and an unhappy spouse. Or they're in the same boat. How wonderful it is to have someone who understands all of your problems over drinks in the hotel bar and intoxicating to feel listened to. It's a cocktail designed to put the strength of even the best marriage...up in the air.
-Hot Mama
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