So I Met A Nice Guy...

Hot Mama,

So, it has finally happened... I met a NICE guy. Now, I know what you are thinking: Could this actually be possible? We have spent the last three months discussing all of the guys out there that are less-than-nice, and why not... what evidence do we have to the contrary??? Well I may have to change my opinion about men as a whole (even if it's just a little bit). I had my reservations about the online world from the beginning. As you and I both know, it is easy to paint a picture of who you want to be, rather than who you actually are. You may say you are 6'1" and athletic, charming, handsome, and make over $100,000 a year, when in actuality, you are 5'9" and 250lbs, living in your parents basement and working at McDonalds... I give you most of the credit, Hot Mama, for encouraging me to take a chance on some of these guys and actually meet them. Mr. Nice Guy and I have been emailing for about two weeks. I travel a lot for work, and so does he, so meeting each other in person and coordinating schedules was semi-challenging. We finally determined a day that would work (Saturday night), and I was assuming that he would suggest something standard like coffee or drinks. You know, the usual "safe date." I was pleasantly surprised to get a text message from him the day before with four different options to chose from. SERIOUSLY, FOUR OPTIONS! They ranged from a fun outdoor date to dinner and drinks at a swanky outdoor restaraunt downtown. I was late (whoops), but he was already there when I arrived. He was polite and interesting. He offered to pay for everything, and he paid attention to what I said. It was like being on a date with someone that I already knew. Hot Mama, I think that there MAY be some hope for us after all. Maybe we just have to be patient and weird through all the weirdos and their Frankenstein shoes, to find the nice guys, who will schedule in advance and actually plan a date and not make us do all the work. We have already made plans to go to dinner on Friday, and yes, that is a whole 5 days notice. This is already a refreshing change of pace from the late night texts of Mr. Mixed Messages... I don't want to get too excited because he could still be a typical man, but who knows, maybe Mr. Nice Guy actually exists.
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

So glad to hear it! After my first couple of bad experiences a month ago I was ready to take down my profile but you convinced me I needed to stay on for awhile. And really I don't know what I was thinking: that Mr. Right was going to suddenly appear after just two weeks online? I mean, I've been alone eight years! Also, I had to hold onto the belief that I couldn't be the only sincere person (in my age group) online. I know that there are women online who're just as into getting laid by a stranger as men are but I'm not one of them and I couldn't believe that every man was just dating online for sex. There are other websites for that. Since then I've met a couple of genuine men and am so relieved to find that our faith in men has proven worth it. That being said, some of my friends are still having to "weed through the weirdoes" as evidenced by the picture of Howdy Doody-with-what-looks-like-a-fake-mustache-living-in-my-parents-basement and, even creepier still, the kissing dolls over his shoulder! Yes, this person actually expressed interest in my friend who is slim, trim and hot!



These are the guys that make you want to scream at the top of your lungs WTF! WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL THE NORMAL MEN?!!! We don't need JFK, Jr but REALLY? Since I haven't met Mr. Right, I know I'll still have my share of weirdoes to weed through but at least now I know that not all of them will be like this guy. Does he turn the dolls faces towards the wall when he's having sex (if he has sex - really, don't think about it, you'll gag)? Or does he want them to watch and learn? Seriously, who the hell raised this guy?
-Hot Mama

Do Men Ever Worry About Whether We Have Clean Underwear?

Eager Beaver,

I am nervous. Since we've joined these online dating sites I haven't met anybody that I really care to see again, except for this week I'm seeing one man again (we already had a lunch date) AND I have two other dates lined up and possibly one more. That's FOUR different men! And they all have really good potential. The problem isn't them, it's me. I was home last night pondering if after 8 years I was really ready to have a man around again. I mean I've gotten used to making my own schedule, eating what I want (and what the kids want), seeing my friends when I want, exercising when I want, watching the TV shows I like, no sports on in the house, ever, (not that I hate sports but I'd much rather watch a marathon of "Say Yes to the Dress" and I can!), sunbathing when I want (without looking like a beauty!), traveling wherever I want to go when I want to go, having family over when it's convenient for me (and not worrying about someone else's family), attending my kids sporting events, having the pets I want, buying what I want, buying what the kids want, sleeping alone (no snoring, no jostling, no alarm clock ringing at a different time), etc., etc.
It's been so nice NOT worrying about someone else's laundry, work schedule, golf schedule, family problems, meal preferences, my kid's behavior (always seen differently when someone else is around), my pet's behavior, the cleanliness of my house, the cleanliness of me, their kid's schedule and needs, an ex-wife, their travel preferences, their favorite TV shows, their sleeping habits and patterns, etc. , etc. It just seems like I'll have another child to take care of, a 6'1" 195 pound child who shaves and sits like a lunk on the couch while I scramble trying to get everything done for the family just like I do now. I mean, do men EVER drive home from work and wonder if they need to do laundry because we might be out of clean underwear or socks? NO! HELP! After all this time I can't see the upside (aside from SEX!) for having a man around. Can you see even ONE upside?
-Hot Mama Not Ready for a Man

Hot Mama,

It's funny, because I feel like we are SO in the same boat on this one. After graduating from school I was living at home with my parents for about a year. During that time, I obviously wasn't in a serious relationship (not like I could have my boyfriend sleeping over at Mom and Dad's...) Out of respect for my parents, I wouldn't stay at my guy's house either. Now that I am finally on my own and living in my own apartment, all of these things are actually a possibility. But I SO understand where you are coming from and I feel exactly the same way. I can wear whatever I want to bed, and sprawl out, and not worry about waking up every five minutes because someone is making me hot or breathing all over me. I have the flexibility to get up early and work-out before work, and not worry if I am going to wake them up. Mr.Mixed Messages has stayed over a lot, and every time that he has, I can't wait for him to leave. My home has become my own sanctuary! I totally know what you mean about not wanting to share it. Only once in my life have I actually wanted to share every part of my life with someone else. Maybe it's that we just haven't met the right guys that we want to allow into every aspect of our lives yet? I think that if someone fantastic came along, we would compromise on what we eat for dinner... right?! I can't imagine throwing the kids into the mix too. I am so busy with work, traveling for work, working out, and obligations with friends, that I can't imagine throwing two teenagers into the mix.


So KUDOS to you Hot Mama! Let's hope that someday we will meet the right guy that we want to do laundry for and watch sports with... Until then let's keep sitting on the couch, eating bon-bon's and watching as many episodes of, "Say Yes to the Dress," as we want!
-Eager Beaver

Who's The Boss?

So Hot Mama, the boss is back in town...

After your last response about my hot boss and how he treats me, I have been trying to keep it completely professional. It doesn't help that I have a very flirtatious personality and most times can't really contain myself from flirting with men. I rarely even realize that I am doing it. (I know, this has definitely gotten me into trouble in the past...) Well my boss is back in the office for the week and the flirting has definitely continued. I know that you thought he was married, which is why you told me to steer clear, but he is definitely single. 36 and single, to be exact. Is that too old for me? Haha, well maybe it's not too old for me, but he is my boss, so it is still a good idea to stay away. I just don't know what it is about him that I find so attractive. I think it's mainly his arrogance. He has been off-putting to a lot of our other employees, but treats me completely differently. We are always joking around and laughing and having fun, and there has been some texting messaging back and forth as well.

Nothing of what he has said crosses any lines, but still. This week while he has been here, he has made different comments about my outfits EVERY SINGLE DAY! First he kept commenting about some fish net stockings that I had been wearing. He kept looking at my legs, and even told me they were "distracting." Whatever that means! Then he was commenting about how high my heels were and how do I walk in those things, etc. I don't want to think anything of it. But today he tells me that he thinks I am in the wrong city and should be living somewhere else since I am so "fancy" and "fashionable." Really, is it REALLY necessary to comment on my outfits every single day?? I wear heels everyday, I like to wear skirts and nice clothes... what's the big deal. Could my outfits really be that "distracting," or is it some kind of weird come-on???
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

Here's the deal: your outfits are distracting to a man and leads them to make "weird come-ons". It's just a fact of life. I remember someone once told me to "dress for the job you want." I didn't really get what she meant because I thought I dressed great. Funnily enough, I was dressed too conservatively for the job I wanted in TV. I always wore suits, so I looked more like a lawyer than a TV personality. Then I went the other way and I think I dressed too provocatively because I wore fishnets too and like you, got comments from male co-workers. I think it's interesting that you're going through the same thing and it just confirms, 15 years later, that fishnets probably aren't a great idea unless we worked in the fashion industry. So, I guess you have to ask yourself honestly: do you dress for an engineering company or a PR Firm?


Obviously, your boss is hot for you. And the hot young way you dress just adds fuel to the fire of his desire. I know you already know what the "right" thing to do is (not sleep with your boss) but I also know people want what they want. So, if you do end up going down that road I'd like you to at least really, really think about the immediate repercussions and then the long-term repercussions if you end up having an all-out affair. People are really good at rationalizing: he's not married, he lives out of town, this isn't actually my chosen career blah, blah. It's not a matter of whether or not he's too old for you, that's completely irrelevant, what matters is that he is your boss. He controls the situation. He is the source of your paycheck. It is completely inappropriate for both of you. You may think you have the power with your sexuality, and you do to some degree, but in the end the reality is that he has all the power and if it crashes and burns it could cost both of you more than a roll-in-the-hay is really worth.
-Hot Mama

Sexting Part II: You are NOT as out of touch as we thought...

OMG Hot Mama,

I have such a good story to tell you about Sexting. We've talked so much about it and how it is so common among teenagers and people who are my age. WELL... maybe it is not as common as I originally thought. I am starting to think that maybe I am one of the few who goes around sexting guys, and maybe that's why I am stuck always dating losers and creeps. So, I was talking with one of my friends whose boyfriend is out of town on business for about three weeks. Of course, she is already missing him, and this time apart has been hard on them. They are on different coasts in different time zones, and they just haven't been clicking. Well, she wanted to chat with him on Skype, and even hinted to him that things could get a little racy. He said that he was tired, and basically shot her down. Now, being that I am Miss. Sexter over here, I tell her to go into the bathroom and take a naughty picture of herself to send to him. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I wish you could have seen her face. She looks at me aghast and says, "I can't do that, that's illegal. It's pornography!" I could hardly contain myself. After a few minutes of explaining that #1 Pornography is definitely NOT illegal and #2 Neither is sexting, we had a great laugh about it. I know we've listed all the many reasons to be cautious of sexting, but going to jail was definitely not one of them! See... you are not the only sexting newbie!
-Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

Oddly, I had a story from a friend confirm what you just discovered about your friend. My friend, has a 27 year old daughter who also has never sexted! And, of course, neither has my friend. And here I thought I was late to the party, but it sounds like it's just getting started!
-Hot Mama

P.S. Please remember girls to be careful whom you sext what because you don't want the pictures to end up on your Facebook page or worse!

I Lost My V Card... Online

Eager Beaver,

I'm so pissed off I can hardly see straight. I've been on an online dating site for three weeks now and have only been on two dates so far, one of them with Mr. Frankenstein whom I've already written about. My second date was with a man 17 years younger than me who looked 10 years older and since I look 10 years younger it didn't seem far-fetched... plus he doesn't want to have kids. Perfect because my eggs are past their pull-date anyway. We hit it off intellectually which was so nice as it can be difficult to find an intelligent conversationalist! Oh, but then it quickly degenerated into him expressing his interest in having sex with me. Whatever, flattering I guess, but the reason I have been so choosey about who I respond to is trying to cull out the creepers who are only online for sex! Sooo many of them are and if they aren't...well, let's just say there's a reason they're alone. It's freaking frustrating but I think part of the problem is the women online. I mean, have you looked at some of their profiles?!!! They might as well just be naked for the way they're practically screaming for a good f...! Holy moly! Aaack, aren't there ANY men left out there who're looking for a genuine relationship with a nice person and, trust me, I'm not opposed to hot sex but getting to know each other should come first? Shouldn't it? Or am I just old-fashioned? Have you jumped into the online shark tank, I mean pool, yet?
-Hot Mama

Hot Mama,

I am no longer a virgin! Well... no longer an online dating virgin that is. Despite your ups and downs, and your story about Mr. Frankenstein, I decided to go through with it, and actually go out on a date with a guy I met online. Now, to protect his identity, let's call my date, Mr. Do-Gooder. I call him this with sincerity, and in no way to be a joke. I have only been "dating" online for a week, and he is one of the first guys whose email sparked my interest. I have been getting so many, "You're hot" or "Are you interested in me?" emails, that I was about ready to throw in the towel and give up, when I got the email from Mr. Do-Gooder. His email to me was short and sweet, and he said that he thought we lived too far apart, but wanted me to know that he thought I was beautiful. So I emailed him back, thanking him for the nice email and detailing all of the creeper / loser guys I had met online. After a few emails back and forth he tells me that he has been traveling and visiting friends out of state, but will be driving through Portland on his way home. He asked me if I wanted to meet for dinner... so I said yes. I didn't feel nervous about the date until about an hour before, and then I was completely ready to cancel. But I gave myself a pep-talk and reminded myself that I am a strong and independent woman, and that it was basically like meeting a new friend. So I show up, and to my surprise he is actually cuter than he was in his pictures. He was smart, well-spoken, interesting, and actually asked me questions about myself. (How refreshing compared to most of the men that I've dated!!) Mr. Do-Gooder described his three years in the Peace Corps in Africa (I told you he was a Do-Gooder) and about his excitment to start Law School this fall. After a great dinner the night ended and we exchanged text messages later saying that we both had a great time. Go figure, wouldn't it be my luck that I would meet a good guy and he lives 3 1/2 hours away. BUT this has definitely given me hope. Not to say that I don't think I will get a lot more creeper emails, but maybe there are some good guys out there online, just trying to meet that perfect girl...
-Eager Beaver

Online Dating Sites: Haven for Creepers?

Eager Beaver,

So, I'm back in the online dating world and I'd forgotten (it's been a few years) what it was like. At first it was exciting to have all this attention from all these men, but then slowly reality sinks in and you realize that there are just so many creepers out there and finding a good guy is difficult. I recently had a date with a guy who seemed like a real possibility; my age, nice looking, because of his former tennis-pro life hadn't had a chance to settle down but was looking for something serious now, works directly with John McEnroe but in New York. Comes to town frequently though to see relatives and really wants to relocate. Emails were nice and then came the phone number exchange to set-up a time to meet.

We ended up speaking with him on a Sunday night...when he was drunk. He had spent the whole day boating and drinking with his family. I won't bore you with the details of the, "getting to know you" convo and just say that I shoulda known better. Because at some point in his effort to impress me he tells me about a modeling show that took place at the tennis arena with Serena Williams as the MC. He went on to say that all the female workers at the facility lamented the fact that all the males models were gay and when I commented that it must have been nice for the male workers he says, "Well, you know what they about models... The only advantage of their height is you don't have to bend them over in the shower to have sex!" WTF?!! Seriously, you don't even know me and you're making a gross comment like that? By this point we had made plans to meet Monday night and every bone in my body screamed CANCEL, BAIL, BAIL, BAIL! But being polite I thought, "Well, he's drunk, maybe he'll be fine in person." Wrong. So, wrong. Within the first two minutes he was talking about kissing me, yuck!!!

At the end of the date he asked me for a ride to his cousin's house (what?!!) and tried to lay one on my lips AFTER I had made it clear he wasn't getting a ride and my body language clealry said I'm soooooo not interested.
I practically ran from him. BTW he did NOT look like his pictures, he had a weird limp, Frankstein shoes to compensate for the weird limp and was shorter than he claimed even with Frankenstein shoes on. All that aside, what was gross was his immediately trying to get to sex. I cannot believe men my age are sooooo freaking gross and immature! Have you tried online dating yet and if so, how's it going?
-Disgusted Hot Mama


Oh Hot Mama,

What is that saying... "You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a Prince." Well, I certainly think you've found one of your many frogs. I recently took the plunge into online dating (literally less than one week ago), and so far I don't really know what to expect. I think that your story is pretty much exactly how I imagined online dating to be. Men say that they are 5'10" when really they are 5'8" and 30lbs overweight, and look nothing like their pictures. And why would he put pictures up that don't even look like him??? Are you seriously supposed to get there and not be annoyed by the fact that he looks nothing like what you expected? I don't even understand that. I look 100% like my profile pictures. Because if someone finds me attractive, I want them to find the CURRENT me attractive, not the me from 6 months or a year ago or whatever. To top it off, I cannot even believe that he tried to freaking kiss you! Especially when you were clearly giving him the cold shoulder and trying to be completely uninviting. I wonder if men just figure that they might as well, since they never know when they are going to get a chance with a living, breathing, attractive woman again. I think you probably should've gone with your gut and cancelled, especially after the drunken Sunday night phone call... Really, how old is he anyways?? Getting drunk on a Sunday night and then calling you. How rude and inconsiderate.

Yet, despite your story, I am still going to go through with it. I have my first date with someone I met online tomorrow night. I am getting a little bit nervous and anxious, but he seems like a nice guy. Hopefully he will look like his pictures. Wish me luck! Can't wait to let you know how it goes...
-Hopeful Eager Beaver

Where Can I Meet an Attractive SINGLE Man?

Hot Mama,

I am getting so sick and tired of not meeting any smart, talented, and attractive available men. I feel like in your generation women were able to meet men so much easier than today! I hear all of these stories of my friend's parents and people my parents age that have these great ways that they met their spouses or significant others. One of my best friends parents even met at the PUBLIC LIBRARY! My mom tells me that she used to meet men in elevators, at the Bus Stop, in the park, etc. I feel like I don't meet them anywhere. Is everyone a complete loser? I feel like all of the guys that approach me are no-job-having-losers. Although they are generally young and attractive, I feel like they are going absolutely no where. Am I just destined to be single and alone forever??? I am so frustrated I just never even want to go anywhere anymore!!
-Frustrated (And STILL SINGLE) Eager Beaver

Eager Beaver,

Seriously it's time to get into the 21st century! If Hot Mama can, you can too! We met people at the Library back in tne day because we HAD to! Women did NOT go to bars and we didn't have the internet. You had to catch a man's eye wherever you might stumble across one, that's why women never left the house without make up on or in their sweat pants and a baseball cap! You had to be "dressed" in case you did meet someone!

Look there are no excuses anymore, there's like a thousand dating websites and while you may think, "I'm too young for that." I say "bull-hooey!" You're a young busy professional and so is a guy you'd like to meet. He and his friends are hitting bars but they don't go there to meet quality women, they go there to get some "relief" from their physical needs. Yeah, every once in awhile someone meest someone in a bar but very, very rarely. I have so many friend who met, dated, and married all because of the internet. And it's cheaper than spending your money in bars! That's not to say there aren't creepers on it, (there ARE!) but you just have to be wise in culling through them. Will you go on some crap-ass dates and be so mad you want to scream? Yes. Will you have great stories to tell all your girlfriends? YES! Hilarious stories. So, get off your high horse and jump into the internet dating pool! The great thing is you can always take a break from it whenever you feel like you're being circled by sharks or you've seen one too many dogfish, spineless jelly fish or eels.
-Hot Mama



Hot Mama,

I think you have officially convinced me to do it! I'm taking the plung. I have been considering online dating for a while now, but have been kind of nervous about the kind of guys that I could meet online. But you are right! I am young and busy... when do I have time to meet guys at the library or on the street?? Who am I kidding?! I'm tired of the bar scene, and guys hitting on me with their only intention being to sleep with me. I need to find a quality man. 21st Century, here I am! Let the dating begin...
-Eager Beaver

What Is It About Musicians?

Hot Mama,

So... for as long as I can remember, I have been ADDICTED to musicians. I don't understand what it is, but as soon a guy picks up a guitar and starts singing, I'm a goner. Ever since high school I have always been so attracted to guys who are musically inclined. Even the ones that are only so-so looking... as soon as I find out that they can sing or play the guitar, they suddenly become 10x hotter. I see a guy onstage and I immediately want to jump his bones! (Do people even say that anymore?? I don't know, but I totally want to!)

Of course, I know that I am not the only woman who is attracted to these kind of guys, I mean groupies have existed for years and years. Every time I go to a concert I get so excited and start jumping up and down like I'm a love-struck teenager. I don't know if it's the mystery, the bad boy vibe, or the smoldering sexy eyes, but it drives me crazy. Do you have the same feelings about musicians? Have you ever dated any? I dated one when I was in college (of course he was the lead singer), and he caused me nothing but stress. He always knew all of the right things to say, and the ways to make me swoon. And every time he looked at me, it was like he was undressing me on the spot with his eyes. SO HOT! But it was so hard to get past the thought that he had the same effect on all the girls, and that they were throwing themselves at him nightly. He would play his guitar and sing "my song," to me. Who knows how many girls he had fed that same line to... He was covered with tattoos and was always drunk or doing some kind of drugs, something I would never put up with from just an average Joe. He was poor and constantly struggling for cash, but somehow I was so into him. Looking back at him now, he really wasn't good looking at all, and I can't remember a single date he took me on. I am SHOCKED at my poor judgment, but I just can't help. It was just every time that he got out under those lights and stepped onstage, I became smitten and was under his spell. How do they do it to us Hot Mama??
-Eager Beaver

Oh Eager Beaver,

My beaver was eager for the lead singer of a band in the 80's and yes, I lost my vigirnity to him at the ripe old age of 22. I had held out all those years in the hopes of giving the gift of my sweet cherry to the man I would eventually marry. By 21 I was thinking, "This ain't ever gonna happen." Also, by 21 I was really curious as to what all the fuss was about. Now mind you I had gotten naked with some guys but had the sense to pick men of character who never forced the issue with me . Then Johnny, yes, really his name was/is Johnny, rocked into my life.

Well, actually a friend and I walked into the Astro in Downtown Seattle and Johnny and his band were playing. That was it. I was hooked and so apparently was he. He was 10 years older and all bad boy rocker - black leather jacket, black levi's, black boots, black tshirt, smoldering blue eyes and a crooked grin. Dang, I think I need a minute...ok I'm back. Anyhoo, I held him off for the better part of a year, in retropsect of course he must have been "relieving the stress" with other women. No matter, I gave it up to him in a seedy motel, I barely remember the actual moment (anit-climatic, in all ways) but Johnny was horrified when he discovered that he was my first. Apparently he would have been much better had he known, doubtful, but I have no regrets it's a memorable tale. And I'll always have the picture of him standing in the foyer of my sorority in full rocker get-up as I traisped down the stairs with my swinging blond hair and flowered sweater not knowing that when I got in the "Cheech and Chong" van that I would soon be giving up my flower.

I don't know what to tell you chiquita, except that I've been hooked on musicians ever since and the sight of a guy grinding it out under the lights onstage giving it his all makes us willing to give him our all. Rock on!
-Hot Mama

You hit the nail on the head Hot Mama, I couldn't agree more. The black leather jacket, the smoldering look, the crooked grin... how do ALL rockstars know how to do that?? It must be something in the water! Now we know what Jennifer Aniston was thinking when she hooked up with her own Johnny, John Mayer. Such a bad boy and she knew it, but they are OH so irrisitable.