This week I was watching an episode of the popular reality tv show, "The Hills," with my best friend. I hate to admit it, but I love the show. It has been one of my guilty pleasures since it first began six years ago. Although there are definite cringe worthy moments, and at times I can't believe I wasted a half an hour of my life watching; it is pure entertainment. While watching last night's episode in which one of the shows stars is in a "friends with benefits" relationship, I couldn't help wondering how someone who could have any guy that she wanted is willing to be in this pseudo relationship. Of course it seems like an okay idea in the beginning: you have a close male friend who is good looking, but you don't actually want to date them, so you agree to a no-strings-attached-friends-with-benefits "thing." And you think that you can just enjoy the physical without all of the baggage that comes with a real relationship. Seems like an okay idea, that is, until it isn't. When I was in college, relationships like this were everywhere. You go out and drink have a good time, and then go home with that one guy who you always hook up with. You are comfortable with each other, he's fun, and somehow you always end your nights together. He doesn't have to take you out to dinner, he doesn't have to ask about your day, he doesn't have to meet your family, he doesn't have to buy you presents, and he can leave whenever he wants. Oh, and also, he can date other girls. Girls that he actually wants to do all of those things with, but not you. So basically he just gets to have his cake and eat it to. He gets to have you on the side for all of the fun stuff, while at the same time dating other girls so when he's ready he can ditch you and be with them. Watching the show my Best and I couldn't help feeling sorry for the poor girl stuck in the "friends with benefits" zone. Of course by the end, she realizes that she actually has feelings for this guy, who is now dating another girl. I wonder if relationships like this are ever actually successful...or if they always end up blowing up in your face. Is it really possible to have so much physical intimacy with someone without feelings getting involved? These aren't one night stands, these are ongoing relationships, if you can even call them that. I have had my share of random flings and hook-ups, but after watching last night, I am sure of one thing, I can't be that girl. As hard as I might try, I am completely controlled by my emotions. And in these "relationships" he always seems to win, and she always seems to lose, and I don't want to be in a relationship where I am the loser. Hot Mama am I right to seem so old fashioned? Does this EVER actually work for people?
Eager Beaver :)
Dearest Eager Beaver, the short answer is “no”! These FWBs don’t work because women cannot deny their basic biology which is to find a mate to settle down with and have children with and who will protect us. Notice I left out “provide” because obviously that’s not as essential anymore, however our wiring hasn’t changed that much in tens of thousands of years. And yes, yes, I know there are women who don’t want to have children and that we don’t “need” them to protect us but still, we want to feel cherished and the last dang thing an FWB makes you feel is CHERISHED! And men’s biology hasn’t change that much either, they still feel the innate need to spread their seed around as much as possible, hence their ability to have no guilt or shame about FWB situations. So, as much as we’d like to kid ourselves into believing we can handle an FWB, we can’t because once we have sex with a man we feel a bond and the more often you “do” it the more you will feel the bond. FWBs do not work, not for my generation and not for yours. Don’t trade your treasure just for pleasure, hold onto it for a man who’s worth the measure.
P.S. The guy in question on the show is a complete douche in my opinion and he seems to enjoy being a douche. Really Bruce? Couldn’t you have raised a better son?
Hot Mama
Hot Mama, I am so glad that you knew that the perpetrator in question was none other than Brody Jenner. Such a stud and generally a good guy, it almost pains me to write something negative about him. But you are so right, he is being a complete douche. It is SO EASY to see how she was sucked into their sick and twisted relationship. When they are together he flirts with her and tells her that she is gorgeous and is more than willing to spend the night at her house. But ask him to take her out to dinner or have an honest conversation with her, and it is just out of the question. The worst part about it is that she knew it was happening and that she was already starting to have feelings for him, but as with all matters of the heart.. there was nothing she could do about it.
Eager Beaver
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