Wives Aren't Sexy...

Eager Beaver,

I was the subject of what at first was a flattering conversation and then turned into a "what the ....?" I wore a new top today and apparently the color is very good for me (summer is my best season, because one male co-worker couldn't keep from commenting on how good I looked! Which, of course, I totally appreciated! Then another male co-worker came by and asked what we were talking about and the first said "look at her!" and the other co-worker said "Oh, yeah, she looks good but I don't look at her as a sexual object..." and the first says "Pity you!" which made us all laugh. But the other co-worker continued and said "Yeah but she doesn't yell at you in morning meetings so I look at her as a wife." We all laughed at that too, and yes, he was kidding about the yelling, but technically in our morning meetings I am the "boss" of him so we knew what he was saying. Umm, yeah, so we knew what he was saying...that wives aren't sexy! Because then I said "Oh, so that's when women become desexualized, when we become wives, remind me not to let that happen again!" Aaargh! It's true though: marriage desexualizes you which is why you see so many women and men get their A-game back on when they're going through a divorce or right afterwards. It's so frustrating, I mean, I think I may want to get married again some day, jury's still out, BUT I definitely don't if my husband will eventually just see me as a piece of furniture again. I guess that's why there are sooo many articles in women's magazines about rekindling the romance. It's just one of the inherent pitfalls of living with someone on a daily basis and I'm not sure there is a solution to this with even the best intentioned couples. Maybe that piece of paper is where it all goes wrong? Look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, together over 27 years! Here's what Goldie has to say about not being married but keeping the relationship alive:

"I think the secret is to know when to depend on somebody and when not to. It’s important that you are able to hold up your side of the house. I believe that one person can’t bear the whole burden because then their shoulders start getting heavy. The other part is to stay as sexy as you can and make sure you focus on all of those aspects of a healthy relationship — and sexuality is definitely one of them."

Read more: http://anythinghollywood.com/2009/03/hollywoods-golden-couple-goldie-hawn-and-kurt-russell/#ixzz1QhpsNPP4

I'm not sure why married couples let it go but I think it's an attitude of "I got the prize so now I don't have to try anymore." Which is exactly the opposite of what you should be thinking, you should probably be trying even harder to "keep the prize" because unfortunately that old but familiar saying "familiarity breeds contempt" is true for a reason. So, Eager Beaver, I know you want to be married some day, and that's a good thing, but please remember to keep your sexy on, not just for your spouse but for yourself too!
-Still Got it Hot Mama

Hot Mama,

First of all I have to say you are ONE HOT MAMA! You were hot when you were married and you are still smokin' hot now that you are single, and look at least 10 years younger than you actually are. So I am certainly not surprised that your male co-workers were commenting on how good you look. I do think it is interesting though that he said he saw you as a "wife" which is why he couldn't look at you in a sexual way. How about because of the fact that you work together... haha regardless it makes me wonder about what is waiting at home. I don't know if it's just women in marriages or long-term relationships or what. Why would you let yourself go, once you get what you've worked so hard for? I really don't understand that mentality at all... not even a little bit. Like really, just because you get married you are allowed to gain a bunch of weight and get stop dressing nicely or fixing your hair or make-up when you are going out with your man? When I find a man that I want to spend the rest of my life with, then I will be working every day so my husband looks at me as the hot and sexy woman he married and not just another piece of furniture. I want to always be the most attractive thing in my husbands life!! We will NOT let this happen to us. I would hate for my future husband to say something like that to his co-workers. And looking good and taking care of yourself makes YOU feel good too, and it shows that you take pride in yourself. I plan to keep workin' it til my last days on this earth!
-EagerBeaver