Eager Beaver,
I was the subject of what at first was a flattering conversation and then turned into a "what the ....?" I wore a new top today and apparently the color is very good for me (summer is my best season, because one male co-worker couldn't keep from commenting on how good I looked! Which, of course, I totally appreciated! Then another male co-worker came by and asked what we were talking about and the first said "look at her!" and the other co-worker said "Oh, yeah, she looks good but I don't look at her as a sexual object..." and the first says "Pity you!" which made us all laugh. But the other co-worker continued and said "Yeah but she doesn't yell at you in morning meetings so I look at her as a wife." We all laughed at that too, and yes, he was kidding about the yelling, but technically in our morning meetings I am the "boss" of him so we knew what he was saying. Umm, yeah, so we knew what he was saying...that wives aren't sexy! Because then I said "Oh, so that's when women become desexualized, when we become wives, remind me not to let that happen again!" Aaargh! It's true though: marriage desexualizes you which is why you see so many women and men get their A-game back on when they're going through a divorce or right afterwards. It's so frustrating, I mean, I think I may want to get married again some day, jury's still out, BUT I definitely don't if my husband will eventually just see me as a piece of furniture again. I guess that's why there are sooo many articles in women's magazines about rekindling the romance. It's just one of the inherent pitfalls of living with someone on a daily basis and I'm not sure there is a solution to this with even the best intentioned couples. Maybe that piece of paper is where it all goes wrong? Look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, together over 27 years! Here's what Goldie has to say about not being married but keeping the relationship alive:
"I think the secret is to know when to depend on somebody and when not to. It’s important that you are able to hold up your side of the house. I believe that one person can’t bear the whole burden because then their shoulders start getting heavy. The other part is to stay as sexy as you can and make sure you focus on all of those aspects of a healthy relationship — and sexuality is definitely one of them."
Read more: http://anythinghollywood.com/2009/03/hollywoods-golden-couple-goldie-hawn-and-kurt-russell/#ixzz1QhpsNPP4
I'm not sure why married couples let it go but I think it's an attitude of "I got the prize so now I don't have to try anymore." Which is exactly the opposite of what you should be thinking, you should probably be trying even harder to "keep the prize" because unfortunately that old but familiar saying "familiarity breeds contempt" is true for a reason. So, Eager Beaver, I know you want to be married some day, and that's a good thing, but please remember to keep your sexy on, not just for your spouse but for yourself too!
-Still Got it Hot Mama
Hot Mama,
First of all I have to say you are ONE HOT MAMA! You were hot when you were married and you are still smokin' hot now that you are single, and look at least 10 years younger than you actually are. So I am certainly not surprised that your male co-workers were commenting on how good you look. I do think it is interesting though that he said he saw you as a "wife" which is why he couldn't look at you in a sexual way. How about because of the fact that you work together... haha regardless it makes me wonder about what is waiting at home. I don't know if it's just women in marriages or long-term relationships or what. Why would you let yourself go, once you get what you've worked so hard for? I really don't understand that mentality at all... not even a little bit. Like really, just because you get married you are allowed to gain a bunch of weight and get stop dressing nicely or fixing your hair or make-up when you are going out with your man? When I find a man that I want to spend the rest of my life with, then I will be working every day so my husband looks at me as the hot and sexy woman he married and not just another piece of furniture. I want to always be the most attractive thing in my husbands life!! We will NOT let this happen to us. I would hate for my future husband to say something like that to his co-workers. And looking good and taking care of yourself makes YOU feel good too, and it shows that you take pride in yourself. I plan to keep workin' it til my last days on this earth!
-EagerBeaver
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Saturday, July 2, 2011
How Soon is TOO Soon?
Hot Mama,
I have a question for you... how soon is too soon? And no, I don't mean how soon is too soon to sleep with a guy! I mean how soon is too soon to move in with a guy? I am now entering my mid-twenties and I only have a few friends who live with their significant others. Most of the time they say it's for "financial" reasons, because that is what they tell their parents, however, I think a lot of that is BS. My older sister just called me today to tell me that her current roommate is moving out, and now she is stuck looking for a new roomie and a new place. So naturally I suggested that she move in with her boyfriend.
She is right around the same age as me and they've been together for a couple years now, and friends since college. But no sooner had I said it than I started thinking, is that really good advice?? I used to think that my parents would be COMPLETELY against one of us girls living with a BF. They are both pretty old fashioned, especially my Dad. And what father really wants to think about his daughter shacking up with some guy?!? I mean even when boyfriends are visiting at my parents house, there is absolutely NO sleeping in the same bedroom, not when we're under "their roof." But I recently had a conversation with my Mom about my younger sister and her longterm boyfriend, and she is the one who suggested that they live together. I was floored, but she made a good point... Since she's graduating from college and planning on moving home, my Mom would rather KNOW that she is always going to be sleeping at her boyfriends because she lives there, than wondering if she is coming home everynight. I guess it makes complete sense, especially if it would give her a more sound mind. But still, at this stage of the game, are we old enough to be living with boys?? Is this just the first step towards wedded bliss? 
I don't know, but I love living with my roommate and having someone to paint my nails with, and someone who will ALWAYS watch "The Notebook" with me, and who keeps a clean house. I am definitely not at the stage of the game in my life (I don't even have a man), but still, even if I was in a serious relationship, I think I'd still want my space. I just feel so young still! So help me Hot Mama, what advice should I give my sister? Is it a recipe for a disaster or co-habitational harmony??
-Eager Beaver
Eager Beaver,
You're definitely not too young to be living with a long-term boyfriend nor is your sister. Remember, we girls used to be regularly married off at 15 and 16 and in your grandparents generation 18 and 19. So you're not too young at 25. And in today's day and age it definitely makes financial sense, especially if the couple foresees a long-term committed relationship. Why not start saving now on two rents, gas, water and utility bills? And it would be more stressful for your mom to have her home treated like a motel. Not to mention, the stress of wondering if your sister is ok. In terms of co-habitation leading to wedded bliss it's a mixed bag.
If you do it just to "try it" you won't have as successful a marriage versus already being engaged before you shack up. The theory is that if you're just "trying" it you probably have doubts and so the relationship was vulnerable to a break-up already. In my case, my husband and I were of the mind that we shouldn't co-habitate unless it was with the intention of getting married and back in the late 80's it was still somewhat shocking for parents to have their kids shack up. Why would you want to go through all the hassle of moving and co-mingling everything from bills to furniture only to know you were just "trying it out?" So we were committed and got engaged a month after I moved in. Unfortunately we still divorced 14 years and two kids later but we had a 17 year run and are still good friends. And I don't think it had anything to do with living together first but was a matter of who we were as people when we first met. So, Eager Beaver my advice is to wait until you meet the man you want to marry because there's no sense in giving up a Sunday marathon of "Say Yes to the Dress" for Sunday football before you have to!
-Hot Mama
I have a question for you... how soon is too soon? And no, I don't mean how soon is too soon to sleep with a guy! I mean how soon is too soon to move in with a guy? I am now entering my mid-twenties and I only have a few friends who live with their significant others. Most of the time they say it's for "financial" reasons, because that is what they tell their parents, however, I think a lot of that is BS. My older sister just called me today to tell me that her current roommate is moving out, and now she is stuck looking for a new roomie and a new place. So naturally I suggested that she move in with her boyfriend.
She is right around the same age as me and they've been together for a couple years now, and friends since college. But no sooner had I said it than I started thinking, is that really good advice?? I used to think that my parents would be COMPLETELY against one of us girls living with a BF. They are both pretty old fashioned, especially my Dad. And what father really wants to think about his daughter shacking up with some guy?!? I mean even when boyfriends are visiting at my parents house, there is absolutely NO sleeping in the same bedroom, not when we're under "their roof." But I recently had a conversation with my Mom about my younger sister and her longterm boyfriend, and she is the one who suggested that they live together. I was floored, but she made a good point... Since she's graduating from college and planning on moving home, my Mom would rather KNOW that she is always going to be sleeping at her boyfriends because she lives there, than wondering if she is coming home everynight. I guess it makes complete sense, especially if it would give her a more sound mind. But still, at this stage of the game, are we old enough to be living with boys?? Is this just the first step towards wedded bliss? 
I don't know, but I love living with my roommate and having someone to paint my nails with, and someone who will ALWAYS watch "The Notebook" with me, and who keeps a clean house. I am definitely not at the stage of the game in my life (I don't even have a man), but still, even if I was in a serious relationship, I think I'd still want my space. I just feel so young still! So help me Hot Mama, what advice should I give my sister? Is it a recipe for a disaster or co-habitational harmony??-Eager Beaver
Eager Beaver,
You're definitely not too young to be living with a long-term boyfriend nor is your sister. Remember, we girls used to be regularly married off at 15 and 16 and in your grandparents generation 18 and 19. So you're not too young at 25. And in today's day and age it definitely makes financial sense, especially if the couple foresees a long-term committed relationship. Why not start saving now on two rents, gas, water and utility bills? And it would be more stressful for your mom to have her home treated like a motel. Not to mention, the stress of wondering if your sister is ok. In terms of co-habitation leading to wedded bliss it's a mixed bag.
If you do it just to "try it" you won't have as successful a marriage versus already being engaged before you shack up. The theory is that if you're just "trying" it you probably have doubts and so the relationship was vulnerable to a break-up already. In my case, my husband and I were of the mind that we shouldn't co-habitate unless it was with the intention of getting married and back in the late 80's it was still somewhat shocking for parents to have their kids shack up. Why would you want to go through all the hassle of moving and co-mingling everything from bills to furniture only to know you were just "trying it out?" So we were committed and got engaged a month after I moved in. Unfortunately we still divorced 14 years and two kids later but we had a 17 year run and are still good friends. And I don't think it had anything to do with living together first but was a matter of who we were as people when we first met. So, Eager Beaver my advice is to wait until you meet the man you want to marry because there's no sense in giving up a Sunday marathon of "Say Yes to the Dress" for Sunday football before you have to!-Hot Mama
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Call me Mrs. Kardashian...
Hot Mama,
It's no secret that I am addicted to "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." And I do in fact, keep up with the crazy clan. In the most recent episode Kris is debating changing her name from Jenner back to Kardashian. Which naturally made me extremely upset, as I am a huge Bruce fan. And I think he puts up with so much from the women in that family, the ringleader of which is Kris. So she says that she thinks she should change it back because Kardashian has become a "brand." And as she says, "People already think I'm a Kardashian and call me Mrs. Kardashian."
I think the best part was the reaction from all of the girls when Kris told them. Both the Kardashian and Jenner girls couldn't believe the audacity of Kris. Kendall even went so far as to say, "How could you disrespect my Dad like that?" Which is so true! Who do you think you are Kris?! You are so lucky to have a wonderful and devoted husband who has put up with you and your shennanigans for 20 plus years. Not to mention that he RAISED the Kardashian children as his own! Such a sign of disrespect. And really is it worth the attention / fame / whatever she thought she would get out of this to emasculate her husband and on top of that really hurt his feelings? He's the one who goes to sleep with you every night, not the press, not the public, but him. I just couldn't even believe it. Then at the end of the episode she makes a big announcement at a family dinner that she feels bad about considering changing it to Kardashian and that she loves Bruce and that he's the best thing that ever happened to her. It's like, YA RIGHT, you just feel bad cause everyone guilted and shamed you and Khloe called you a "fame whore!"
-Eager "Call me Mrs. Jenner (Brody that is..)" Beaver
Eager Beaver,
Not much to say except that I agree with you 100 percent!! Shame on Kris and...Khloe has her mom pegged.
-Hot Mama
It's no secret that I am addicted to "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." And I do in fact, keep up with the crazy clan. In the most recent episode Kris is debating changing her name from Jenner back to Kardashian. Which naturally made me extremely upset, as I am a huge Bruce fan. And I think he puts up with so much from the women in that family, the ringleader of which is Kris. So she says that she thinks she should change it back because Kardashian has become a "brand." And as she says, "People already think I'm a Kardashian and call me Mrs. Kardashian."
I think the best part was the reaction from all of the girls when Kris told them. Both the Kardashian and Jenner girls couldn't believe the audacity of Kris. Kendall even went so far as to say, "How could you disrespect my Dad like that?" Which is so true! Who do you think you are Kris?! You are so lucky to have a wonderful and devoted husband who has put up with you and your shennanigans for 20 plus years. Not to mention that he RAISED the Kardashian children as his own! Such a sign of disrespect. And really is it worth the attention / fame / whatever she thought she would get out of this to emasculate her husband and on top of that really hurt his feelings? He's the one who goes to sleep with you every night, not the press, not the public, but him. I just couldn't even believe it. Then at the end of the episode she makes a big announcement at a family dinner that she feels bad about considering changing it to Kardashian and that she loves Bruce and that he's the best thing that ever happened to her. It's like, YA RIGHT, you just feel bad cause everyone guilted and shamed you and Khloe called you a "fame whore!"
-Eager "Call me Mrs. Jenner (Brody that is..)" Beaver
Eager Beaver,
Not much to say except that I agree with you 100 percent!! Shame on Kris and...Khloe has her mom pegged.
-Hot Mama
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